bathing a cat

step 1: consult a psychiatrist... you are obviously crazy for thinking you can do it.
step 2: ignore all advise from psychiatrist and lure cat into the bathroom
step 3: verify last will and testament is in a visible place
step 4: pray!
step 5: turn on water while distracting cat with treats
step 6: take one last look at yourself in the mirror, you may never look the same again
step 7: pray!
step 8: grab, shove, dunk, pray!!!!
step 9: curse, soothe, cry, curse!
step 10: rinse!
step 11: release, jump out of the way, open door and pray!
step 12: count limbs, digits and anything else that protrudes from your body
step 13: curse at yourself for thinking this would work
step 14: clean up the blood and cry
step 15: feel like the worst cat parent in the world and take 2 shots of tequila to calm your nerves
step 16: blog about your experience while trying to make fun of yourself and warn others (successful?)
step 17: cry yourself to sleep all the while hoping the cat comes out of hiding

Moral of the story:
Amateurs are not to be trusted, next time pay a groomer
Results not typical, consult a physician before beginning the bathing of the cat

Not my cat but he is a long haired black cat like this one.