Post Op Day 6

Things have been going surprisingly well.  The hardest part is getting all the fluids throughout the day.  I find myself getting dizzy at because I'm dehydrated.  I think I just need to get in the habit of taking a bottle of water with me EVERYWHERE.

I'm moving around really well.  The only thing that is really bothering me is that I'm a stomach sleeper.  I have found that if I fall asleep with a pillow under my left side, there is no pain.  But I wake up facing right and the pillow somewhere on the floor.

I wish I could just stay put so I don't wake up in pain!

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I thought I'd give a low-down of the weight.

1st pre-op visit with doc: weight 311

Liquid Diet Start: weight 304

Surgery day: weight 292

Day 6 post op: weight 283

All of this happened within 1 month!

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For the next week I get to add cottage cheese, eggs, hummus, and refried beans to my ever growing list of foods I'm allowed to eat.  YAY!

So far I've had 2 instances of food that just didn't sit well, it's called dumping.

I had a soup with WAY TOO MUCH sodium.  It didn't take long for me to need to run to the bathroom and see the symptoms.

Then I drank a shake too fast and felt gross and nasty with some of the dumping symptoms.  That was fun!  NOT!

It's all about learning what you can and can't tolerate and what you can and can't eat.

Signing off for tonight!

Post Op day 3

I know I haven't written much in the last few days so "Let me ‘splain…No, there is too much. Let me sum up." (Inigo Montoya Princess Bride).

Monday morning was surgery.  I don't remember much after the nurse asked me if I wanted some meds to help me relax.  The next thing I remember is waking up and being asked to stand up to sit in the wheelchair.

I have to say, the pain med button was my best friend Monday.  I don't remember my mom and stepmom leaving.

The pain was unbearable for awhile.  They made me get up and walk, I was proud of myself for doing it.  The nurse and the bf walked with me.

Later in the day I went for a walk again, releasing gas along the way again (it's actually quite funny because all I was doing was burping).  When I got back from my walk I began dry heaving.

I think it was the meds and all that fun stuff that gets in your system.

Tuesday morning I was able to come home, after I peed on my own of course.  That was the most amazing feeling even though I was only gone about 24 hours.

Slept most of Tuesday although I did get up and do some walking.  Didn't sleep too well Tuesday night, woke up with bad pain.

Wednesday I stayed awake a lot longer and didn't take my pain meds much.  I went for a walk to the fountain at the front of the subdivision (about 1/4 mile there and back).  Felt good to get out.

Today, I'm feeling even better.  Everyday gets a little better.  Still hurts to bend over, getting up and down from the bed or chair hurts.

I want to go to WalMart to get a few things and I also want to just get out of the house!

I'm feeling a nap in my near future!

Days left

With just days left until surgery, I'm starting to get nervous, scared, and excited.

Someone said to me, "good, that means you're not insane"

Um, thank you... lol

Luckily I have found someone from a support group online that I have been messaging with.  We are going through the liquid diet together and our surgery is the same day.

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2 more full days until surgery day!  Craziness!  I can't wait but I want the weekend to go slow.  There's still a lot to do!  I need to make a list of things that I need to get so when I can try soft foods, they will be here, I need to pick up things around the house: litter box, laundry, dishes, and I need to get mentally prepared.

How does one mentally prepare to get rid of the majority of the stomach and major surgery?  If you figure it out, please let me know.

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I think the next 2 days will be rough mentally but I will get myself ready.  The boyfriend's kids are here so that is a great distraction.  The little one came up to me, grabbed my arm and said "My Bekka!"  I asked him, "are you sure I'm not daddy's Bekka?"  and he said, "I love you too so you are my Bekka!"

I think that will help me get through the weekend and get ready for surgery day!

The struggle is real!

The 2 week liquid only diet is very difficult!  I am struggling day to day just to get out of bed.

I'm always hungry, never satisfied, weak, cranky, tired, and nauseous.

To say that it will be worth it in the end is an understatement.  I know that what I'm doing is for the best but at the same time, I just don't want to do this anymore.

I've hit that wall... Monday will be one week of the liquid diet and one week until surgery day.

I'm starting to get scared.  I know everything will be fine but this is major surgery!

I don't want my summer to be over but I want surgery to hurry up so I can move on.

I'm just wanting to curl up and sleep the next 8 days away.  My willpower isn't as strong as it was a few days ago.

There are times when I look at the food on the counter and just want to eat the banana or drown myself in nacho cheese at the movies.

This brick wall is thick and tall.  I need to figure out a way over it.  This is definitely not an easy way out, you have to have real strength and conviction to get through this part of the surgery.

I just don't know how strong I am right now.  Defeat is not something I take lightly so I just have to push through the wall or over the wall, however I'm going to get to the other side.

This is just my ramblings because I needed to get them out and express the frustration I feel.

A little more than 9 days remaining

I didn't post the last few days because there was nothing to say.

Yesterday I had my endoscopy.  The last thing I remember is the lady coming in to give me the good juice in the IV.

The next thing I remember is being in the car.

Apparently I went and got my blood work done.  Okay, whatever I guess.

I don't remember coming home but I have no memories until I woke up 3.5 hours later.

Anesthesia and I don't get along well.

I was a little out of it all day yesterday but today, I'm pretty fine.

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Today I went and paid for surgery.  I think I heard my bank account scream!  It will be worth it in the end.

Since Monday I am down 11 pounds.  I know they say people typically lose 10-20 pounds in the liquid pre-op phase, I met the minimum in just 5 days.  To be honest though, some of it might have been binge weight from the weekend.

I am getting more nervous for July 20th but I have all the support I need!

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On a very random note, I stopped by QuikTrip to get gas and needed a protein shake or something.

The donuts were very inviting!  I wanted one soooooooo bad but I walked on by.  That ladies and gents is willpower!

Off to make my jello and drink some broth!

WOOHOO!

12 Days

Today has been even rougher than yesterday.

I've had some depression today.  Not what I was expecting.

I'm hungry, cranky, have a huge headache, stomach pain, and now depression.

I know this is just part of the process, my body is in shock from lack of sugar and caffeine.

Tomorrow is a new and better day!

13 Days until surgery

Instead of looking at it as 1 day down, I decided to view it as 13 days to go.  Watching the number get smaller seems like a good idea.

I weighed myself today, didn't do pictures though.  Oh well, I'll get them tomorrow.

I want some serious before and afters.

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Started the liquid diet today.  Boy does it SUCK!  I had a small cheat (watermelon).  It was only a few pieces but damn it tasted good!

The goal is to shrink my liver so surgery is easier to complete.  I'm hoping everything shrinks like it's supposed to.

I'm super hungry right now and am pushing myself through.  Lots of water and things that don't taste like my protein shake.

Here's to 13 more days!  *cheers*

And away we go....

So here it is, Sunday night...

As of tomorrow I have 2 weeks until surgery!

I'm not feeling much of anything except maybe numb and nasty.

I have been eating a bunch of crap this weekend.  I know I shouldn't have but it's the "last meal" thought that keeps running through my head.

I never really had my "last meal", I've had my "last meals"  lol

Tomorrow I start my all liquid diet.  I'm not looking forward to it at all. It will be tough but I know it will be worth it in the end.

I know the first few days I will be completely cranky.  I know that every time the BF puts food in his mouth, I will be jealous.  I did something similar last summer but instead of a permanent change, it was a very expensive temporary change.

Wish me luck!  I will be posting my progress!

The Gastric Sleeve Journey

So the scary part is the surgery and recovery.

With the particular clinic I am using, they require a free seminar.  Basically, you get the information about the different surgeries and ask questions.  It was informative but still was a little overwhelming.

After filling out the information, the doctors review your information and determine whether you are a candidate or not.  Then you wait for the call.

I got the call a few days later to set up an appt.  The problem that I have is that my insurance SUCKS!  So I had to come up with the money... thanks to my family, I was able to get a loan.

My process has been fast.  From the seminar to surgery was June 15 to July 20.

Today I attended a required education class.  I read the binder before going so it really didn't tell me anything new.

I have to have an endoscopy and lab work next week (not 100% on the endoscopy reason).

I also have to have a consult with a psychologist.  I'm crazy but I hope that doesn't come thru in the eval.  :)

Two weeks before the surgery you have to go on an all liquid diet to shrink your liver.  It's high protein and sugar free.  I start this on July 6.  It's going to be a long bitchy 2 weeks.

On surgery day, they will only have me in the OR for about 30 minutes with about an hour in recovery.  I have to spend the night in the hospital but my mommy will be there with me!  Typically, you go home the next day if there are no complications.

For the first 2 days home, I am only allowed water.  Hydration is a huge issue.

Then for the next 2 1/2 weeks pureed food only.

The purpose for this is to not get chunks of food stuck in the staples in the stomach and cause infection.

They said that I will pretty much be in bed the first few days but am required to get up and walk around the house 3-5 times.  To me that reads, "shower and pee".

After the first week I will go back and get my staples removed and have a follow-up.  I'm pretty okay with that.  If I am off my narcotic pain meds I can drive.

I will be able to go back to work at the beginning of August.  I just can't lift anything over 15 pounds for the first month or more.

My friend said that after 3 weeks he was walking around an amusement park... no thanks, I'll do other stuff instead.

I will go back for a 2 month, 6 month, 1 year, 2 year, 3 year etc. follow-up.  Not too bad if I do say so myself.

With everyone's support and knowledge of the steps, I know I can do this and will have a great outcome!

I'll try and post as this goes on, I think it's important to talk about the journey.

Tough Decisions Pt 3

What is the last resort?

I have spent many years with this decision in the back of my mind.

A doctor once told me that I was never going to be able to lose weight and to just give up.

Nope!  No!  No, no, no, no!

How dare he say that!  That was the moment in time I decided to take my health and my life back.

Now that I am 5 years out from working out with a trainer (recommended by a doctor with bedside manners), I am finally ready!

At 34 years old I am taking my life into my hands.  F the doctor that said I would never be able to do anything about my weight.

I have tried everything and nothing has stuck.

I have PCOS, insulin resistance, and fertility issues.

I want kids!  I want to feel good!  I want to live!













With that being said, on Monday July 20th at 9:15 I report to the hospital for gastric sleeve surgery.

YOU WHAT?!?!?!?!

You read that right, gastric sleeve!

This decision hasn't been made lightly.  It is major surgery and I will be losing the majority of my stomach.  My stomach will only be about 2 oz big from that point on.

This is something that I have full support from my parents, the boyfriend, and my 2 best friends in Texas (it's weird to say they live an hour from each other).

I can't do this without support.  One of my close friend's (ex boyfriend from high school and an awesome friend) and his fiancee have had the sleeve done and love it.  He was my inspiration for starting things up now.

I really didn't want to say anything about surgery until it got a little closer but I feel like an open dialogue is needed.

Let's start this dialogue....

Ask any questions you want!

Tough Decisions Pt 2

Matthew 7:1-3King James Version (KJV)

7 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

When it comes to weight and health issues, I will not judge.  I have faced everything you can imagine.

Recently, I was on vacation with my boyfriend and his 3 kids.  We went to Silver Dollar City and White Water.  Trying to ride with the kids was horrible.  It was so hard to get into the seats.  I was near tears many times.  

While riding the Flooded Mine, we put the girls in the front, the boy in the middle and the bf and I in the back.  Wow!  Was that a mistake!  Between us we could have sunk that boat!  Mr. 6'3" 189 lbs would have been just fine in the back of the boat alone.  

Between us we were 494 lbs!!!!!!  Not a good combo!!!

That moment was the moment when I realized that my decision was right.

What is there to do when you've tried it all?  How do you look at yourself in the mirror and decide enough is enough?

What is the last resort?

Tough Decisions pt. 1

Some decisions are pretty easy...

What should I have for dinner?
Which shoes should I wear while working out?
John or Paul?
Brown or black with pink?

Some decisions are very difficult and not to be done quickly...

Should I buy a house?
Should I go on vacation to Florida or California?
What should I get a master's degree in?
Should I get married/have a baby/start a family?

None of those decisions should be taken lightly (with the exception of the vacation question).

I made a decision a few years ago.  It was before I started the blog and before I really had any clue what this decision would entail.

As someone that has been overweight my entire life, I have tried it all.

South Beach.... check
Atkins.... check
Blood Type... check
Weight Watchers.... check
Low fat.... check
Paleo.... check
Vegetarian.... check

You name it!

I have also counted calories and done so many other things that you would think I was a master of all things diet!

I had to make a decision that will change my life.

Back to it!

Hello dear readers!

I know it has been a very long time since my last post.  I just got too busy to blog!

Some life changes occurred and more are in the future.

I have been thinking quite a bit about some things.

The first thing that has been on my mind is this:

I wonder what I would look like if I lost ___ pounds.  How will I look if I'm  ____ pounds lighter?   Is that something others think about?  I stood in front of the mirror tonight pulling on my body and prodding at the fat.  Just curious what it would look like if my belly button is higher.

Does my face look better if I don't have 2 chins?


My other thoughts have focused around something my S.O. said to me last night.  We were in bed, talking in the dark and he asked me why I don't walk around naked.  I told him it was because I don't like my body.  I know my body doesn't gross out my S.O. but I feel weird being naked around others.
Being comfortable in ones own skin is really important.  I'm NOT comfortable in any way.  Although I know my S.O. likes my body, I don't.

How do you become comfortable in your skin?  If anyone has the answer, please share.


Look for more posts in the days, weeks, and months to come.  Some exciting and scary things are in my future.

Detox Days 7-12

Quick update...

eating got a little easier but I still hate it.  I have cheated a few times on the diet but I also know I have to listen to my body and do what is right for me.

Sometimes you just have to eat.  It was never an over eat but it was filling food.

I'm officially down 12 pounds and have plans to be under 300 very soon.

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I am able to start adding chicken into my diet on Thursday.  You have no idea how happy I am to eat meat again.

When this detox is over I will be starting what is called the Undergraduate Diet.  Basically it's the beginning of Paleo.

With my gazillion supplements I will take every day and a protein shake, I hope that things will get better internally.

My stomach doesn't seem to mind all the craziness.  It is definitely cleaning out.

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Wish me luck on days 13-30 that I stay strong!

Detox Day 6

I've noticed I'm not as hungry as I have been.  I've really only eaten twice today.

I had a salad about 1:15 and then some soup about 6.  I did my two shakes today but other than that, nothing.

Today was a kind of cheat day.  I had two huge yummy bites of a cheeseburger.  I could have eaten a bunch of cheeseburgers but after I ate it, I immediately started feeling gross.  Pretty good sign right there huh?

I want to swing by the health food store tomorrow to get more soup.  It was really good and such a huge change in what I've been eating.  

5 more days until I can add meats... I know I can, I know I can, I know I can...

With support and encouragement, I can do it!

Detox Day 5

So my ring is practically falling off my hand.  That is a great thing!

I've noticed I'm not so bloated anymore!

I cheated yesterday and had 2 bean burritos.  I just couldn't do it for one more second.  I needed to feel full.  Big mistake!  I felt so sick afterwards. Lesson learned!

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I talked with a friend of 30+ years that had done this shake before.  She gave me hope and inspiration.  Thank you Rebecca!

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I also did my workout with my trainer yesterday.  He kicked my butt as always.

I'm getting stronger and able to do more now but it's still tough.

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I just hope that the next few weeks are smoother for me.  With school starting back up and life moving forward, things get a little crazy.

Here's to a smooth sailing the next few weeks.

Detox Day 3 & 4

Day 3

I drank my shake but didn't really want to eat anything else. For lunch there was some cheating.  I ate a salad, then I had some mashed potatoes, a small slice of pizza and a bread stick.

It was very hard to go out to eat!  This veggie and fruit detox is annoying!

I didn't think about it and at my niece's birthday party, I couldn't eat.  I should have brought food but didn't.

I didn't even eat cake even though I wanted to.  I did have a little frosting though.

Feeding Aunt Bekka

When I got home, I had a cucumber and that was it.  I just wasn't very hungry so I didn't eat.
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Day 4

I was a good girl today!  I had my shake this morning, although I didn't eat my fruit for breakfast until about an hour later.

I went to the grocery store to the salad bar and filled up a big container!  It was a fabulous tasting salad!

Dinner was a fruit smoothie.  I don't know if I should be drinking almond milk more than once a day but I did.
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I really need to find some alternatives to what I'm eating.  I'm getting bored.  I have 10 more days without meat so I need to figure something out.

The document that I was given has some recipes in it.  I think I'm going to try the tomato soup recipe, the veggie stew recipe and I don't know what else.

I'm looking for gluten-free, dairy free, vegetarian meals to get me through the next few weeks.

If you have any ideas, please let me know, I'm bored here...

Thought for today:
A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.

Wade Boggs

Detox Day 2

Yesterday was difficult!

I've learned that if I chug the shake, it goes down pretty easy.  However... I was so hungry yesterday afternoon while I was packing and cleaning the apt. that I had some organic brown rice from Trader Joe's.  Not on my list of approved foods but whatever!  I needed to eat and didn't have any fruit in the apt.

Dinner was 1 pound... yes you read that right 1 pound of veggies!  It was really good, I drizzled some olive oil on them with some salt, pepper, and Mrs. Dash.  It was pretty good.  At least I didn't go to bed hungry.
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Saturday is my niece's first birthday party.  I'm a little nervous but can take my own food and will just say no to cake.  I know it will be tough but I can do it!
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I don't know what my starting weight was but I weighed today 306.8.  I'm not going to weigh myself daily but a few times a week.
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Here's to a good detox day 3!

Functional Medicine

So a little back story for ya'll here...

During teacher appreciation week we had a lady come in and give us chair massages.  We also got a complimentary consultation.  So I said what the hell, I'd try it and see.  If anything I'd say no.

So I went and long-story-short, was able to get all my 36 visits paid for.  I had shared some concerns with the doctor and we are moving along now.

So here it is: I'm fat!  Shocker right!  Well, he did a bunch of blood work and I found out I'm diabetic (early early stages, my A1C was 6.4).

The doctor decided to detox me.  I'm on ClearVite which is drink supplement thing.  It's a little gross but whatever.  I'm also supposed to only eat fruits and veggies.  I'm cranky!  I'm super cranky and want to cheat.  I'm so hungry!  I'm trying to drink water but it's not helping.

I had a HUGE salad for lunch but I need more.  I just don't know if I can do this "detox"  I know it's only day 1 but OMG!  I feel awful :(

Can I cry?!

30 days total and on day 15 I get to add in chicken and turkey.  This can't be healthy can it?
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So what is this functional medicine to see what it's all about go to this website

http://www.functionalmedicine.org/about/whatisfm/

I just don't know how I feel about all of this.

Any insight?

Health update

Back in January I had an ovarian cyst rupture.  That was the most painful thing I have ever felt.  A few days later, I went to the doctor, she gave me different birth control and sent me on my way with order for an ultrasound and complete physical.

Monday of spring break (March 17) I went to the doctor for my complete physical.  I got 9 vials of blood taken from me (stupid vampires!) and went on my merry way.

At my physical, the doctor prescribed me Spironolact, Metformin and Seasonique (on Friday Lipitor).  These are for PCOS, PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I am currently on 6 medications :(

Later that day, I went for a transabdominal and transvaginal ultrasound to check on the status of my ovarian cysts.  I was given no information about what was on the ultrasound.  I would have to wait for that.

Fast forward to Friday:  I had received an email stating that my lab results are in.

My A1c results are high, testosterone is very high, total cholesterol extremely high, Triglycerides very high, LDL cholesterol is high and Vitamin D low. 

Not the best picture, sorry about that but you get the idea. 

Friday afternoon I get a phone call about the high cholesterol.  Now I had already read this in the above notes but it was still nice to hear it from a person.  

Friday afternoon/evening, I decided that I was going to feel sorry for myself and pout in bed.  

Saturday I got myself out of bed and went to lunch with my friend Brittany and her son.  It was great to get to talk to her and giggle/laugh.  We got all caught up!  Her son, the monkey, played on at McDonald's while we talked.  

All was good until I got home... I checked my mail and found a very nicely worded letter from the Imaging Center.

In case it is difficult to see... Left ovary is 2.3 cm in length with is normal, the right ovary is enlarged with a dominant 3.6 cm right ovarian cyst and additional smaller subcentimeter right ovarian cysts.

Left ovary 2.3cm or 0.9 inches

Right cyst 3.6 cm or 1.4 inches

To give you an idea about size...

more of a comparison

Needless to say, I've been down and depressed the last few days.  I'm pulling myself out of it but I'm still down.  Honestly, all this is just overwhelming and I've been trying to figure out how to get this all down on the blog. 

At first, I didn't want to to write things down, I've got to keep something private.  But, I realized that getting it down and telling my real feelings about this would help me.  I know I'm not the first person in the world diagnosed with any of these health issues, but it's a first for me.  

If you see me and I look down or sad, I probably am.  I just have a lot on my mind and need work out everything.  It's a lot for a girl to digest :(

I hope no one has to deal with health issues like this but I know many of my readers have.

I don't want scary health stories or anything that will freak me out.  Please be respectful of my fears and feelings.  That's all I ask...

Today's thought:

“Self pity becomes your oxygen. But you learned to breathe it without a gasp. So, nobody even notices you're hurting.” 
― Paul Monette