At it again

Started counting calories again!  I was so hungry yesterday!  I thought my stomach was going to eat through my skin and devour a student!  LOL!

I hate being hungry but I also know I have to train myself to eat less again.

Since it was so hard yesterday, I woke up with a new attitude today.  My body was telling me that I need a change... so I changed. It won't be easy to get back into it. I will do what it takes to get healthy and prove to myself that I can do it!

I will be having a health assessment tomorrow for my health insurance.  Not something I'm completely looking forward to but necessary.  I want to get the perks from it.

I want to feel better, I want to be happier with myself.

The cyst rupturing scared me, but I was in denial about how bad it was until I had another one rupture.  I go to the doctor on March 17th to find out more about this health scare and to hopefully get some answers.

My smaller clothes don't fit anymore and I'm finding it tough to get dressed in the mornings.  I feel like I'm wearing the same things over and over again because they are the only things that fit.

I'm depressed, my body hurts and I have no desire to do anything.  It's time to make the changes again and be the healthier me.

I have a 5k in May that I want to be able to do without being winded.  Right now, I don't think I can do that.  Time to lace up my tennis shoes and head for the hills!

losing patience

I would say that I am not losing but have lost my patience today.  Nothing seems to be going right and frankly, I need to start over.

I have The Beatles station playing on Pandora to sooth the beast (my lack of patience).

I have 4 students at my table all working on different things, I have others at their desks working quietly, and some working together.

I thought my day sucked and that nothing was going right.

And then...

Student D (Spanish speaker) was helping Student L (Laotian speaker).  He did so without prompting and then proceeded to use English.  It brought tears to my eyes!  The compassion Student D showed toward the frustrated Student L was amazing!  My day wasn't bad, it was just temporarily broken.

If two students that barely speak English and don't even speak the same language can communicate and work through their problems; why can't I work through my weight loss struggles?

Just some thoughts for today... well, yesterday!  I had every intention of posting this yesterday but time got away from me and it didn't get done.

Hello again...

To get myself back on track, I've been reading through my blog... holy crap!  I've been way honest!  I've opened up more than I probably should have. Wasn't that the point though?

As I sit here and reflect on the last 2 years of my professional and personal life, I've realized that the blog became 2nd fiddle to everything else in my life, just like my weight loss.

I had a health scare on New Years Day that landed me in the ER.  I had the worst pain in my abdomen.  I thought it was a number of different things but mostly thought I could just ride it out.  When I couldn't even lay down due to the pain, I took my happy ass into the ER.

Blood work said I was fine.  X-ray said I was fine.  Urine test said I was fine.

No one had any idea what was going on!

They decided I need to have an ultra sound done.  As someone that has never had one, I have to say that it is a weird goopy feeling.  There was something there but they needed to be sure so I was "wanded".  If you have never had a vaginal wand ultra sound, consider yourself the luckiest person alive.  Imagine someone jabbing a wand up your private area and moving it around like a hand mixer.

Great visual right?!

So in March I get to do it again!  I'm so excited *insert eye roll*!  At least I don't have to fast for that one but I do have to drink gallons of water.  Fun!

So why are you getting this information... well, other than being way too honest, it is also about weight loss.  It was suggested that I lose 10-15 pounds by March 17.  All kinds of fun tests need to be done on me... oh joy!  The preliminary diagnosis is PCOS.  http://women.webmd.com/pcos-directory

It is something that I will definitely have to watch.  I will have to have regular check ups and now that I know what the pain is, I don't have to go to the ER and spend $1200 just to have an IV put in.

My weight loss is now even more important than it was.  I am really stepping up and will be working go make myself healthier in order to help myself.

As I have in the past...