Leap Day AND Hump Day!

Exciting news!

I have signed up for my first 5k!!  I can't wait!

It's the Color Run, where you get pelted with paint as you run/walk.

I have one goal, it is simple... Run at least 2k (doesn't have to be consecutive).  I will know that I have done it because at 1k you get one color, 2k another, 3k another and so on.

I need to step it up and start moving more.  There is a team at school that is doing this so I'm not alone.  Just knowing that I can and will do it excites me.

Unlike the Little Engine That Could (I think I can... I think I can...), I KNOW I can!

February 28th, Happy Birthday Daddy!

I hope my dad had a great day!  I know he had a funeral to go to this evening, unfortunately.

Hey y'all!  Guess what?!  I'm 5'8" 280 pounds with a BMI of 43.  I am morbidly obese...

I'll let that sink in for a minute...


But you know something, I have little faith in the BMI.  Are you honestly going to tell me that the body builder without an ounce of fat is considered morbidly obese?  Yeah, good luck with that one!

Here is a BMI chart...

Some medical professionals believe strongly in this chart while others take it with a grain of salt.  Take it how you wish, it's your opinion.  That is the brilliance of the USA, freedom of speech.

On an OMG note...

A lady caught me today as I was leaving the gym.  She thanked me for going public with my story.  She is morbidly obese and the doctor had told her that she needed to change her life.  The doctor said that without making changes, she could be dead within a year.  

The wonderful woman has a goal to be able to walk one lap around a track by the end of March.  She was crying as she told me all of this.  I couldn't help but cry. 

It's one thing to read all of the inspiration that this openness has brought but to hear it is different.  

Congrats to all of you making positive health changes in your lives!  Keep working hard and reaching for new limits.  I hope to make a time soon to walk.  I'm watching the weather so we can start making plans. 

Thought of the day:

Who's life are you making a difference in today?

February 27th, Oh boy!

ESL testing is taking place right now. It's exhausting yet rewarding.  There is just someone so satisfying about seeing your student succeed.  I had honestly forgotten how tired I am at the end of the day while testing.

I'm posting today's quote towards the top because I feel like it is more fitting here....

Thought of the day:
"No other job in the world could possibly dispossess one so completely as this job of teaching. You could stand all day in a laundry, for instance, still in possession of your mind. But this teaching utterly obliterates you. It cuts right into your being: essentially, it takes over your spirit. It drags it out from where it would hide."
-Sylvia Ashton-Warner

Tomorrow is my workout with Trainer Joe!  I'm excited to work with him!  I'm excited to get back into my workouts.  I miss them!

I hate being so busy/exhausted/sick that there is not enough time in the day to work out.  So ready to do it!  I love the way I feel when I'm done exercising.  I could easily go to bed right now at 8pm.  This is so unlike me and I just don't like the way I feel.  Let's hope this is a combination of meds and testing.

Check out The Fat Girl's new website (warning: it's seriously under construction)

www.thefatgirlinthecorner.com

There is a forum, please take a peek and feel free to post :)

February 26th, The Good, The Bad and The Weirdness

The Good...
I've gotten my work finished that I'm required to get done this weekend.

The Bad...
Trader Joe's Curry Chicken!  I threw it out!  So nasty!

The Weirdness...
I've been had weird dreams lately.  Mostly about co-workers but today I had one about UFO's because I guess there was something on TV about UFO's.  It's been one of those bizarre times when you wake up and question your own sanity.  This is why I try not to fall asleep with the TV on.

On a different note...
I've gained a pound :(
I know this will happen for time to time so I'm not as upset about it as I thought I would be.
It just means I need to work harder this week.

Thought of the Day:
Don't fall asleep with the TV on or you will have bizarre dreams.

February 25th, some more energy today

I've had more energy today than I have had in a few days.

I think I've figured out why I was feeling awful... the anti-biotics I'm on!  I looked at the side effects and the top three are "tiredness, nausea, and headaches".  Well, there ya go!

I have one more dose so hopefully in the next few days I start feeling better. 

It's bedtime though until I have enough energy to function.

Thought of the day:
Caffeine should come in IV form!

February 24th

I don't know why I'm feeling exhausted and all I want to do is take a nap by mid afternoon.  I get home from work and just want to sleep.  I really hope this feeling goes away soon.  It makes it hard to go to the gym.  I've been pushing myself but it's difficult.

The last few nights I have been in bed at some early hour.  In fact, as I'm typing, I'm laying in bed at 8pm. I could go to sleep right now.

No matter how much caffeine I have had, I still feel like this.

May need to go back to the doctor again soon.  I'm going to give them until spring break and see how it goes.

Thought of the day:
To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.
Buddha

February 23rd

I'm having a hard time getting organized.  I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with everything going on right now.  Grad. school, work, weight loss, personal life, it all piles up and is making me feel like I've got too much on my plate.

Last night I was in bed by 8:30 and asleep by 9.  Tonight, I was laying in bed considering sleep when I realized I hadn't posted.

I have some ideas in regards to my blog and some other things.  More details to come.

"There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full" --Henry Kissinger

February 22nd

Congratulations to Big Changes!!  The fitness program was featured in the story about me last week.  According to Christa, they are booked solid and have a waiting list!

I am so proud of all of those that were able to get in and decided to make a positive choice!

I hope there are many others that are able to get into a program.

I have decided that once the weather gets nicer, I would like to get some people together to go walking.  I think the Johnson County Community College has a track (if not, there are the local high schools).  I think I would like to set up a weekly meeting to walk, share with each other and get healthy.  Even if it's just one day a week, I would love to do it.

If you are in the Metro area, let me know what you think of the idea.
A little fresh air and exercise never hurt anyone.

Busy night, lots of work to do... 2 more days this week!  It's been a long week so I'm ready for Friday.

Thought of the Day:
A healthy outside starts from the inside.
Robert Urich

February 21st, Some friend time

There are times in life when you just need the support of a friend.  

Tonight was just one of those nights.  After a long day, I needed some friend time.  Luckily, Lynn is a TMobile subscriber so we could chat.  Our marathon chat sessions would get expensive if we weren't able to get mobile to mobile :)

Its always nice to talk to someone that is outside of your work and daily life.  She lives in Texas so we get to see each other, maybe once a year if we are lucky.  Last summer I went to visit her.  It was my first trip to TX and I had many other firsts. 

Lynn and I may go months without having a phone conversation.  We text each other a few times a week.  Sometimes it's a quick few back and forth and sometimes it's many over the course of a few hours.  Depends on our moods.  But one thing is for sure, we know we are friends.  We know that no matter what, we are there for each other.

Tonight we talked for over 3 hours.  That is nothing compared to some marathon calls we have had.  It's funny, we say we are going to get off the phone but then one of us says something and 20 minutes later we are still talking.  We always seem to never run out of things to say.  It was like that even when I was down there.  We seemed to always have something to talk about. 

Jessica lives in Colorado, has 4 kids (3 that she gave birth to and the big kid she married :)  I love you Nicky!!)  We went almost 3 years without seeing each other!  She was pregnant with her middle child one of the last times I saw her.  Then as luck would have it, she was in Emporia in June 2011!  I finally got to meet 2 of her 3 babies!  I miss them so much!  I got to see them again in November.

We don't talk on the phone much, our texts may go unanswered for days, emails aren't sent much, and we comment on Facebook now and again.  Some might say that we have grown apart.  It's interesting though that we could call each other and it's like we are picking up where a conversation just left off.  We don't have to communicate every day to be close.  We love each other through thick and thin.  I know that I have her support no matter what and vice versa.  

I have to say that I have friends that live all over the US, but some of the most important ones live out of state.  I hate that!  I could definitely use some up all night, watching TV, having a drink, gossiping time with them.  

I know I'm leaving people out but I do know that my friendships are very important to me.  I've known Jessica for 16 years and Lynn for 12.  After all this, we are still going strong.  I want to be 80 years old, sitting in a nursing home, bickering with these 2 ladies over who's turn it is to get the wine!

Thought of the Day:

A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely.
Pam Brown

February 20th, That feeling of...

blah!

Early post for me tonight.  I'm just not feeling very much like writing tonight.  I guess sitting in front of the computer all day working on papers and assignments will do that to a person.

Last night's binge feeling finally went away.  I ate an apple and that helped a lot.  I also ate some cheese. I figured out the problem... I was WAY under calories yesterday.  I had only eaten about 1200.  Um, yeah, my goal for the day is 2050.  So way low!

Today, I managed my calories a lot better.  I still have 400 left for the day.  I can get some pita chips and hummus for a snack later and still have a few left over.

I hated feeling that way last night.  I felt out of control, helpless.  I got some messages of support on here, through email and text.  You guys are AMAZING!!

I'm going to monitor my knee, see if it gets better after the weight comes off.  When your BMI lists you as morbidly obese, you tend to think the journey is going to be a long one.  The doctor was happy to see that I had lost quite a bit of weight since my last time there.  She is also very pleased with my approach and attitude.

It's 5:50pm, I've showered, in my pj's and ready for bed.  I just started feeling this way a little while ago. I think it's the back to work blues.  4 day week = long week.  The kiddos are just crazy and a mess on short weeks making it feel a lot longer than normal.

Hopefully this week isn't very stressful, unfortunately, I think it will be.  Tuesday meeting from 4:30-6:30, Wednesday workout, Thursday meeting, Friday workout, Saturday massage and dinner with a friend.  ARG! Busy week!

Thought of the day:
It's called a workout because it requires effort!  Without the work, it's simply an easy out!
~Author Unknown

February 19th, support

For the first time since I've started my journey, I need some support.

I have a strong urge to snack.  Not just snack... eat!  I'm hungry, I want to just eat until I feel full.  

I haven't felt like this since I started this back on January 2nd.  Tomorrow will be the start of Week 7.  I've lost 6.7 pounds!  I've lost a little more than a pound a week!  

I'm afraid that if I eat something, an apple, some hummus, or something that I will just want more.  

I've had to step away from the TV, just looking at food isn't helping. I'm listening to music and hoping that this feeling goes away.  I've had over 8 glasses of water today.  I decided to put some lemon in my water tonight to give it a little flavor and hope it helps me. 

I'M HUNGRY AND WANT TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this is normal and I just have to get through it.  I was looking for websites with some suggestions on what to do.

Here are some to keep in your arsenal...

CalorieCount- Fighting the urge to binge 

Curbing Hunger

Emotional Eating

Daily Mail UK

After reading through these, I have decided that I am going to eat something small.  I need to eat something with fiber.  Apples have a lot of fiber so I think I will do that.  

It's just so hard today!  I've got to push through this.  This wall can be broken down and I can make it. I just have to fight. 

Thought of the day:

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
C. S. Lewis

February 18th, Sabotage

For my birthday, one of my co-workers gave me a really pretty journal.  I've normally been a journal writer but with this blog, I've not been using a journal.  So what do I do with this really pretty journal?  I have been trying to figure it out for the last few weeks then last night it hit me... blogging information!

My beautiful journal!  Thank you Heather H.!

Ideas

Outline for today

 I have a spot in the journal for ideas for the blog and then another place for an outline for the day.  I can carry this in my purse so when I have an idea, I can write it down. 




For a few weeks now I've been wanting to write about sabotage.  10 Things that can sabotage your weight loss

Self-sabotage is probably the worst.  My favorite is "I worked out more than normal today, I can eat this!"  another favorite is "one won't hurt"

I found this website that talks about ways to get around self sabotage.

Besides self sabotage there is that from family and friends.  I love my friends, family and co-workers, BUT sometimes they will unknowingly say things that sabotage me.  I know it is not on purpose.  I totally get that.  We are all guilty of that.  I admit that I have done it.  "Oh you don't need to lose weight!  You are great!"  "You are beautiful!  What are you talking about?"

Did you know that you are sabotaging someone by saying those things?  I didn't! 

To anyone that I have ever said that to, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for making you feel like the decision you are making is wrong.  I have never meant it to be that way. 

Sometimes by being honest we are hurting others.  From now on, I will think before I speak when it comes to sabotaging someone. 

Sometimes our good intentions backfire.

Thought of the day:
Hell isn't merely paved with good intentions; it's walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too.
Aldous Huxley

February 17th, I am a spaz!

Yesterday I went to see my doctor that did my keloid surgery a few years ago.  She was very happy to see me even though I got a steroid shot to try to soften the tissue again.

We got to talking about my weight and this journey.  For the 2012 tax season, I guess I can deduct all of the payments I make to the Y for monthly membership fees and my trainer fees.  I need to start printing my monthly bank statement.

So, funny story, I was watching the Simpsons today and the episode comes on where Homer decides to start working out and goes to a gym (pronounced, Guy-m).

I actually laughed for a good 5 minutes.  Homer's clumsiness and stupidity at the machines was totally me!!

I feel like such a spaz!  I know that isn't true but I still feel like it.  I think once it becomes second nature, I won't feel like a spaz.

So enjoy Homer....



Well, tomorrow is cardio and strength training.  The goal, 50 minutes on the stationary and 30 strength training.

The Lexexa Y is awesome!  I just love the people there!  One thing I would change though is that there  is a Japanese steakhouse or something right down from there.  You can smell it!  Yes it's the fat but I don't care, it smells so good!

Tomorrow's journey is to spaz out on the equipment.  I'm hoping to get in on Monday since I can't get in there on Tuesday.

Busy weekend!  Workout, clean house, school work, homework, oh and a few naps in there too!  LOL!

Thought of the Day:
We were made to exercise. We feel better.
Bob Greene

February 16th, The Challenge

I have decided that I am going to challenge my readers.

I want each of you to write down 3 goals.  You can post them here.  These goals can be anything... fitness, health, relationship, anything.  I want you to make goals that are reasonable and attainable.  I know I want to be back to 200 pounds.  However, I will not set a date that I will meet this goal.  It is just a number that I want to get to.  If it takes me 2 years or 10 years, I will get there.

Back on January 5th I set 3 goals for myself.

#1 Arrive at the Y by 4:30pm, 3 days a week, and work out for at least 30 minutes.
#2 Not buying cookies and ice cream, if it's in the house, I will eat it
#3 No fast food! If I eat it, choose wisely!


I have to say, I am doing well with these goals.  #3 is a little difficult but not just fast food but out to eat.  


These are my health goals that I will continue to keep.


I am adding one more goal to my list though.


#4 Organize, prioritize, and strategize.


This is not a fitness goal as much as it is a life goal.


Think before you make your goals.  Make sure they are goals you can live with.  


Until tomorrow, eat well, exercise your mind and body, and think before you speak.




Thought of the Day:


Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.
Booker T. Washington

February 15th, THANK YOU!!!!

Here is the link to last night’s story… enjoy!

So my aunt Patsy in N.C. posted something on Facebook yesterday about going on Biggest Loser.  She said, “OK so I want to go on the biggest looser. Have no doubt I could loose weight but no Way I could show you all myself in a halter top..” 

This got me thinking… (uh oh, can’t be good)

If I’m exposing myself emotionally, why not show you what my body looks like?  So I slapped on a sports bra and shorts and… (remember, this is how the Biggest Loser people dress for weigh ins)

Hey you!  Roll of Fat!  Get off my body!

Until I saw it in picture format, I didn't think it was that bad.  WOW!

Now, I have lost 6 pounds to date.  Not a huge amount as of right now but it’s progress.  My bras are fitting differently.  This is my body!  Love me or hate me, it’s my body, it’s who I am!   Take it or leave it!

These are scary to post and I'm a little nervous to hit publish.  I know that you, my dear readers, stand by me with no judgment.  

So last night, the story talks about emotional issues I found this from an article in Psychology Today

“Obesity and overweight can be conditions that are caused by early life trauma. Although I had known this for some time, I was amazed to discover recently all the well-documented research on the obesity-trauma connection. In one early study of 286 obese people, half had been sexually abused as children. In these cases, "...overeating and obesity weren't the central problems, but attempted solutions." For these people, therapy might be a prerequisite to healthy weight loss--it could help clients identify the feelings and situations behind emotional over-eating and replace it with healthier self-care patterns. (A much larger study of over 17,000 people provided further documentation of the links between "adverse childhood experiences;" unhealthy behaviors like smoking, drinking, and overeating; and mental, emotional, and even medical disorders later in life.)”

Something else that the article said was,

“So the first step towards permanent healthy weight loss is, somewhat ironically, to lose the diet and the diet mindset. Instead think about a Healthy Eating Plan (a HEP) that you could live with and enjoy for life. The best answer is to dieting, then, is: A lifelong program of everyday healthy, pleasurable eating coupled with regular exercise. To lose weight, eat less and exercise more. How boring! How prosaic! Yet how true.”

I’ve been saying this all along, I’m changing the way I’m eating, not dieting.  I’m changing my mindset and becoming a healthy eat and a healthy person.  I’m making a lifestyle change, not a diet.  

You know the rolls of fat connecting my thighs and stomach really bother me.  Many times I have stood in front of the mirror and pulled on my body to make myself "skinnier".  Admit it!  You have too!  There is nothing wrong with it.  Just don't obsess over it.  You have a draw a line at some point. Be mindful that it's not an obsession.

Thought of the day:

Being raw and exposing your inner most demons means letting go and becoming free to be who you are on the inside.  

February 14th! Happy Valentine's Day!

Before I really go into my topic for tonight, I would like to say WELCOME to my new friends and followers!  I hope that you find this blog informational and entertaining.  Be sure to check out the links on the right side of the page.  Especially Chunky Munkey and Chunky Girl in Training.  Both of these ladies are friends of mine and Chunky Girl in Training started the blog thing and I took her idea and ran with it (pun intended!).  A big thank you to Rachelle, I wouldn't be on TV or getting to share this with so many people if it wasn't for your inspiration!

According to Christa, the story that was posted on the KSHB website was the top trending story today!  OMG!
My blog hits went from 1887 at 6:30am today to 2146 at 8:00pm.  Wow!  Thank you!

So tonight while I was at the gym, I was thinking a lot about the last 6 weeks.  It's been full of ups and downs.  To think, 6 weeks ago when I got on the stationary bike for the first time, I was at resistance 3 and struggled to get to 20 minutes.  Today, oh wow! today...

I had made a goal last week to make it to 50 minutes on the stationary bike... I DID IT!  I had planned on getting there on Saturday.  Not this Fat Girl!  I did it today and at resistance 6!  Who would have thought I would have gotten there in 6 short weeks?!?!  Not this girl!

I think I just hit my new stride!  I think the last week or two I've hit a plateau again.  I've been reading on the bike, not listening.  I needed to listen to my body.  When was the last time you listened to your body?  My body was telling me that I am making progress.  I wasn't listening!  I was feeling down and not to happy with it.

I was starting to feel as though I had made a mistake in doing all of this.  I was wondering how to get out of it, wishing I had a time machine to go back and undo all of this.  I cried a few times over this.

Tonight though, I didn't have a book, I had my MP3 player and that was it.  I had the TV turned on and was watching it.  I wasn't really reading the closed captioning.  I was just staring at it.  Zoned out, in my own world. (Until I saw my teaser and almost screamed and almost fell off the bike)

I can't explain it.  It was just me and the stationary bike. My body needed to talk to me.  We had a conversation that was very much needed.  I had to go back and look at where I came from to where I am now.

Without this blog, without the support and without will power and motivation, I don't think I would feel this way.

I told my step-mom today that I was surprised that I am saying that I'm looking forward to exercise, looking forward to eating right and ready to change.

I finally have the determination and motivation to make it work.

Thought of the day:
Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.
Samuel Smiles

February 13th

Winter... You are an evil mistress!

I have been struck down with a sinus infection and an ear infection.  It's making my stomach completely irritated!

My doc gave me anti-biotics and something to help with the nausea.  I'm also back to using the Neti pot twice a day.  Not something I really want to do but what can you do.

Tomorrow is my trainer day!  I can't wait for him to see how far I've come!  I know he is going to be impressed.  Of course, not being able to breathe makes it a little difficult to work out but it will not stop me.

Trader Joe's has some really good food!  Yesterday I had gnocchi with Gorgonzola cheese, grilled chicken and some salad with jicima.  It was so tasty and only about 500 calories!  I think I can get used to this!  I don't mind spending a few extra dollars to get food that is good for me and tastes amazing!

Of course, it's also worth the 3 mile drive because a gallon of organic 2% milk is only $2.98!  To buy a gallon of organic 2% milk at the grocery store is double that price.

Okay, so 3 miles doesn't seem like much but remember, I live in the KC metro and 3 miles is like an eternity!  I counted yesterday and I went through 16 stop lights (there and back).  A little ridiculous but well worth it!

Just some soup today to calm my stomach.  It's not great but it will help me.

Off to do some work and watch The Voice!

Thought of the Day:
Willpower is the key to success. Successful people strive no matter what they feel by applying their will to overcome apathy, doubt or fear.
Dan Millman

February 12th , what are you fighting for?

"Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life"

~Nickelback

Yeah yeah, it's Nickelback!  They make a good point don't shoot me!

I've been giving you a little too much information lately about some rather unpleasantness. 

Tonight, I was in the shower (it's where I do my best thinking) and decided 2 things.

#1 I know what my ultimate goal gift to myself will be!  I'm not telling though, it is something ladybug but I'm not telling!

#2  We are always fighting for something.  I'm fighting to improve my health, to prevent diseases, and to make myself a better person.  

The song quote really hit me.  I heard it on the radio today and thought "This is what I want to write about today"  

Everyone is fighting for something.  Some are fighting to live, fighting to not eat, fighting to eat, or fighting emotional demons.  Each and every day those that struggle have to make each second count.  If you lay back and just exist, what good are you doing for yourself?

Are you making a difference?  Are you making change? Or do you sit back and let life just pass you by thinking someone else will pick up your slack?

February 11th

I've put the cats on a diet.  I've started feeding them Blue Buffalo Wellness food.  I'm hoping the house doesn't stink to high heaven after litter box use. 

Everyone in the house is dieting.  The cats don't seem to be too upset over the food change.  Actually they inhaled the food, must be yummy!

I am going to be shopping at Trader Joe's tomorrow.  I'm interested to see what food I can get from there.  From what I have seen, they are pretty reasonably priced.  I have my list of foods that you should eat organic and that you don't have to eat organic.  I'm also going to be looking at flavored green teas. 

I have read that green tea is good for digestion.  I am having some digestion issues so that would be good to have.  The cats and I are having problems so I think this is a good thing.  I do have some green tea here at the house.  It's kind of bland though. 

I'm feeling good overall.  My knee is still hurting, a week from Monday is my doc appointment.  I'm hearing a crunching noise when I walk, when I exercise, when I stand/sit.  Hopefully she will have some information for me. 

47 minutes on the stationary bike today.  By next Saturday I'm going to be at 50 minutes.  I just know it!  I would really love to be at a -7lbs by next Saturday as well. 

At least I have goals :)

Happy Saturday!

Thought of the Day: