The Talk

I'm sorry to everyone that I have been MIA for awhile now.  Life gets in the way of the blog sometimes.

I had been feeling depressed, had no energy and just wanted to sleep all the time.  Today there was a new sense of renewal. 

I woke up after a rather restless night of sleep feeling wonderful!  I went to Wal-Mart and Trader Joe's.  I got home around 9am, cleaned the kitchen and started homework.  I went for a long walk this after noon.  I have no idea how far I walked but was gone for over an hour. I felt wonderful!

So you are probably asking, "What does this have to do with the title"?

I had someone say to me, "talk to your body, listen to your body". 

So that is what I did.

I meditated and had a conversation with my body.  I discovered some things that I knew but didn't acknowledge. 

I knew that most days, I felt awful.  I knew that I needed to change something but didn't know what.  After talking to my body, I need to change my breakfast and start adding some other things into my diet.

I have noticed that I am gassy.  TMI... yes I know.  It is my diet.  I need to change things in my diet.  I am eating a probiotic yogurt every day.  Turns out I probably don't need to.  That must be the biggest reason I am so gassy.  My body was giving me clues, I just didn't listen. 

There are many other things my body told me, now it's time to make the changes.

Have a conversation with your body, what does it have to say? 

A-ha!

I have made another discovery about myself!

I love when that happens!

This year, my plan time is in the morning and pretty late in the morning.  9:40 is pretty late for me, since I get off of plantime and have an hour before lunch.  I eat my daily snack of a cheese stick and go about my merry way.

I have learned to pack a lunch that is satisfying.  I don't have a break in the afternoon so I don't get to eat anything until after school.

Last year when I had my plan in the afternoon, I was really hungry by plan and would eat something more substantial than I should have.

I also save a piece of fruit for after school to eat while I'm finishing up work for the day.

I find that I'm not as hungry as I would have been in the past.

I also feel like I have a renewed spark/motivation.  I don't know where this is coming from but I need it to stick around.

I'm guessing the change in medication has pulled me from my funk.

Not too much longer until my next 5k...

Get'R'Done!

respect

Normal

When someone asks, "it is normal if/when.... ?"  Dr. Phil says one of two things. It's not normal if it disrupts your everyday life and takes away from things you once enjoyed.  The other things is that it may not be someone else's normal but it's YOUR normal.

I haven't found my normal but I have found my "that's just me".  Thanks to these meds, I am no longer wondering where I went.  I was lost for awhile.  I'm not sure if anyone else noticed it, but I had lost the part of me that I had found again.

I know that I missed me.  It feels good to know the meds are working.

I have energy again to work out!  Definitely not as depressed as I was.  Obviously meds don't make it go away completely but it does help keep the symptoms from becoming overwhelming.

I walked up to the mailbox tonight and jogged home.  It felt good to move.  Now that I have my symptoms under control, the weight is going to just fall right off and I'll be back to ultimate health.

Dreams

Last night I had a dream I was in high school.  It was a high school that I didn't recognize.  We were in PE class and had to run the mile.

I actually did it.  In the dream that is.

I decided when I woke up that a-change-is-a-comin'!

I can't keep living in yesterday.  The changes I have made in the past need to stay there and I can't beat myself up.

There was a renewed sense of passion today at the gym.  I had energy, I wanted to work, I NEEDED to work.

This is all a good thing... I'm starting to feel like myself again.  The upped prescription and the added bonus prescription are helping.  With the Color Run less than a month away, I need to get in gear and kick some major ass!

Motivation found!

Medical Update

A week or so ago I posted that I struggle with anxiety and depression. 

Although it is not a subject many talk about, it's time we start. 

The doctor is concerned that I'm showing more signs of manic depression.

We upped my meds to 150 mg and added Xanax to the mix.

I took my first Xanax tonight and feel like I'm floating.  Even though it is the minimum dose, I'm thinking half a pill will do.

With the external factors surrounding my stress, it is no wonder why I'm having severe symptoms.  I go back in 7 weeks for an update.  I'm really hoping that I can get off the Xanax.

With all this stress and depression, I find working out to be a huge problem.  These meds should help get me back on track.

On Tuesday, my trainer is wanting to do a fitness assessment.  He saw my frustration on Tuesday and thinks I need a self-esteem boost.  One can only be knocked down, bull-dosed over so many times in a short period of time before one feels as though they are worthless.  That is a lot of how I feel.

I'm just beat down and feeling like I don't matter right now.  I know it's not true but don't invalidate my feelings.

Tomorrow needs to be a better day....

I need more friends outside of work locally, that would help.

Until tomorrow...

The Fat Girl in the Corner

It occurred to me that I have put myself into a situation.

For the teachers that I work with and have seen my office now, where am I sitting?  Think about it...

I am again, "The Fat Girl in the Corner"!

There are 5 of us in this room, 3 against the north wall and 2 against the south wall. I am in the northwest corner of the room.  I am also the biggest in the room. 

It wasn't on purpose that I chose this.  I said that I would take that desk because I don't frankly care where my desk is.  I didn't notice that was the case until I was thinking about something random in that room and it came to me. 

Just an interesting observation....

On a happy note...

My friend is working on a logo for me.  It is for my website, blog, twitter, and business cards. I have to say that right now, it looks awesome!  I'm amazed at what she came up with in such a short period of time.  I can't wait to show everyone!