Life Update!

I really got away from posting!  Life happens and some things just have to be put aside.

Life in middle school is going well!  I really love it!  My kids are great, the staff is great and everything is working out well!

I was award the first Crystal Apple Award at school.  It is an in house award, not the Fox 4 Crystal Apple.

It gets turned over to the next teacher in October but I'm pleased that I got it first!  After 6 long years of teaching, I've finally been acknowledged for doing something.

*Transition*

So life got in the way and my food intake got bigger.  I've gained weight :(
I'm not proud of it, I got lazy.
I confess that I started eating more and moving less.
I feel sluggish, stressed and depressed


On Monday I went to the doctor and what I saw on the scale sent me into tears.  I've decided I need to get back on track.  I'm mad at myself for letting it get this far gone.  I ate breakfast this morning and regretted it the minute it touched my lips.

Back to changes!  Time to move forward, not look back!

*knock knock knock*

Hello, lo, lo, lo, lo.....

Anyone, one, one, one, one.....

Hello, lo, lo, lo, lo.....

Yikes!  I have missed all my readers!  I have missed blogging!

I waited way too long between posts and to be honest, I'm a little mad at myself!

Oh where oh where to begin!

After I did the Dirty Girl Mud Run, I spent the rest of my summer anticipating the arrival of my niece Alivia. 

Alivia made her appearance after 4 days of teasing us!  Stubborn little thing already! 

Unfortunately I haven't seen her since she was less than 24 hours old.  They live about 100 miles away and it's been hard to get away.

I made her this little bear!  Her name is Alivia and she has Liv's birthday!  So much fun!

Proud Auntie!

A little bit of a cone head but she has a cute face!  Even cuter now!

Family of 3!  My brother was wrapped around that cute little finger a long time ago!  The poor sap!

More News!!
So you have probably gathered by now that I am a teacher.  For 2 years I taught 3rd grade and then spent 4 years teaching English as a Second Language to kindergarten and 1st graders.

This year I'm trying something a little different. I was invited by the ESL Dept. to pilot a program. 
I am teaching students in MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!!!!!

How I went from kindergarten and 1st grade to 6/7/8 is beyond something my mind can comprehend. 

Anyway, these students will have been in the country for less than a year.  They will have little to no educational experiences and/or large gaps in their education. 

I get students tomorrow, I'm starting out with 12, could be more, could be less. As students transition in and out of my class my numbers will change. 

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Hopefully I will blog more, exercise more and eat less!

I Want S'more

So I'm trying something different...

S'mores Cake!

I am obsessed with s'mores.  Have been for years and years.  It is a secret obsession.  Recently, Dairy Queen came out with S'mores Blizzards.  OMFG!  A mini does it for me :)

I am really wanting an actual s'mores though so I decided to do some online research.  I've seen a few recipes but none of them seemed perfect... So, I created my own!

Rebekka's I Want S'more Cake

Ingredients:
1 box Chocolate Devil's Food cake mix
1 bag Hershey's Milk Chocolate Chips
1 bag small marshmallows
1 bag large marshmallows
1 box honey graham crackers
1 13x9x1 pan

 Preheat oven 350. Make the cake mix as per the box.

Pour about 1/3 of the cake mix in the bottom of a grease pan.
The break graham crackers in half and place on top of the unbaked cake mix.

 Pour the entire bag of Hershey's Milk Chocolate Chips over the top of the graham crackers.

 Place small marshmallows over the chocolate chips.

Break more graham crackers in half and place on top of marshmallows.

 Pour the rest of the cake batter on top of the graham crackers and spread evenly.

After 30 minutes take the cake out of the and turn oven to broil at 500 degrees.
Place the large marshmallows on top.

 It doesn't have to be pretty but try to space everything out.
Put back in the oven under the broiler but DO NOT leave!  It happens quick!

This gives the "fire" look to the marshmallows and warms them up enough.
Take the back of a spoon and smush them down.

The smushing isn't necessary but it looks good :)

Wait until it cools before cutting because the marshmallows will stick to the knife otherwise and destroy your pretty cake.

This will be a pretty rich cake so small pieces are recommended!  Let me know if you are making it and how it turns out!  I'm pretty sure it will be AWESOME!

Flavored Water

Some call it detox water, I call it flavored.

Whatever you call it, the flavor is great and fresh!

Here is the recipe I found....

3 quarts or 12 cups of water

2 lemons, sliced

1/2 cucumber, sliced

10 mint leaves

Rinse everything really well. Slice lemons and cucumber. Add lemons, cucumber, and mint to pitcher. Cover with 3 quarts of water and refrigerate over night.

Okay, so I tried it.  I have to say YUM!  The flavor is great and there is a sweet/sour base to it.  

The cucumber flavor is subtle.  You can taste it in the background but it's not overpowering.  You can taste the lemon more than anything so next time I will cut the lemon back a little.  I can't taste the mint so I'm wondering if I need to muddle it first.  Just a thought. 

So you are asking yourself, "Why put all those things together?"  Well, I'll tell you why :)

Lemon
1. A great source of vitamin c
2. Balances pH levels
3. Improves digestion
4. Aides weight loss
`Did you know that if your body is out of balance it is incredibly difficult to lose weight? Having a happy, healthy body and mind is one of the fastest ways to weight loss. A more alkaline diet makes for a happier person, and according to Eating Well Magazine, people with more alkaline diets tend to lose weight faster. Also, lemons contain pectin fiber, which helps set your body back to normal hunger levels. On board yet? If not, don't worry there are two more genius benefits coming your way. (My source)

Cucumber
1. Keeps body hydrated as it is 96% water
2. A good source of dietary fibers and vitamins
3. The high water content and dietary fibers are aide in clearing toxins from the digestive system.
4. Diuretic... 96% water anyone :)
5. Contains a hormone that is used in the pancreas to produce insulin

Mint
1. Relieves GI issues
2. High in antioxidants
3. Improves the movement of bile from the liver
4. Also aides in the relaxation of sore muscles

As a note of warning: 1. If you don't like pulpy orange juice, I would juice the lemon instead of let it just hang out in the pitcher.
2. Strain and drain!  I'm using an iced tea pitcher with a tap.  Things are getting stuck in there so it's not draining into the cup well.
3. The acidity of the lemon can break down the enamel of your teeth.  Alternate this "detox" water with tap water.  Also, don't "nurse" the "detox" water, the acid will stay on your teeth longer. 

I hope you enjoy this recipe.  I have been enjoying it today and I've been drinking more water because of it. 

I'm planning on trying others next week and will blog about them as well.

Dirty Girl!

So I managed to do the Dirty Girl Mud Run!

http://godirtygirl.com/

It was so much fun!  My cheeks hurt from laughing and smiling so much.  It took me about 90 minutes to get through it.  5k's don't take me that long but you have to factor in waiting to do the obstacle, doing the obstacle and waiting for each other.

All clean... before!

At the top of "Girl Get Over It"

Climbing into the final mud pit, coved in mud!

Someone clean off my face!

I had so much fun!  I will totally do it again!  Unfortunately, I can't move!  My whole body aches, even right down to my toes.

I can't wait to do it again!

It's been awhile

I have had a lot going on!

#1 I graduated with my Master's Degree in May!!!

President Shonrock and I 

With my hood after graduation

My brother Paul and I.  He graduated too!

#2 I found out I was being transferred to a different school.  I had mixed feelings about being transferred at the beginning.  I feel like it is for the best now.  My health is not what it should be.  I have put on a lot of weight this year.  Not nearly as much I have in the past.

Since I have depression and anxiety issues, this year has been hell.  Lots of problems, lots of questions about my abilities (self directed), and lots of questions about my choice to be an educator.

I will be teaching kindergarten through 5th grade English as a Second Language!  I've taught k/1 for so long that I have to get into the mindset of older kids.  Now I have a reason to read the William Allen White Children's Book Nominees!  I just finished one book!  I did a sort-of-review of it.  http://wawbookreviews.blogspot.com/  Check it out and tell me what you think!

Well, that is about it for now... nothing too exciting.

Just more of the same b.s.... you know, self doubt, self loathing, negative self talk... the usual.

I'll post more often and get back to at least weekly posts.  Promise!

Dear Not-So-Subtle,

Dear Not-So-Subtle,

You suck at hiding the fact that you were staring at me with your mouth open.  Is it that surprising that I am lifting weights?  The fat girl is doing something to better herself.  Get over your muscle-head-small-d!(k self and realize that you are not the only person that gets to work out!!!

Love,
This Gorgeous-Transforming-Goddess of Fluff'n'Stuff

P.S.  Excessive gorilla grunting makes me want to run the other way.  Stop showing off!

New look

I am now a contacts wearer.  I'm definitely enjoying it.  Unfortunately, I have to put eye drops in about every hour or two especially as the day goes on.

This is an awful picture but I don't have any good ones yet.  

New goals

So my trainer and I have come up with new goals.

Pretty exciting if you ask me :)

I have posted them on my closet door to help me visualize each day getting beter and stronger.

I admit that I have slacked :(

I haven't lost as much weight, haven't been watching what I eat and frankly haven't cared too much.
Depression is getting the best of me.  STRESS is getting the best of me.
I have fallen out of routine.  I have let the negativity of others permeate my brain.

I don't feel happy or whole right now.  I feel as though something is missing in my life.  I don't know what it is. I just don't feel complete.  I am ready to move on from this funk and get back to working out, eating healthy and enjoying life.

It will get better, I just need time.

I have to keep telling myself...

Hey New Kids on the Block

Hey there my sexy boy band from my childhood!

My obsession for you when I was younger has grown.  I saw you when I first moved to KC!  It was probably the best concert EVER!

Well, you are back and your new song gives fat asses like me hope in life!

Thank you for helping me not feel like I'm doomed to be ugly and fat for the rest of my life :)

Sincerely,
One love sick fat fan that is trying to better herself




Okay, sorry for that but it needed to be said. Their new song is fun, easy to dance around the house to and the lyrics speak to me.

Remix (I like the) by New Kids on the Block

I also LOVE this video because Donnie dances with a fat chick.  Gives me hope, you know!

Some of the lyrics for you :)

She was that girl in the corner
Thick-rimmed glasses
Everybody laughed
Every time she passed us
Ever the outcast
Had no flava
But who got the last laugh

Always came last
No one ever kissed her
Missing for days
But nobody missed her
She went from wallpaper
To heartbreaker
You shoulda seen her

Now her body’s so crazy
Got mad attention
Everybody wants her
I forgot to mention
My baby’s so intelligent
Down with it
Independent
Got it all

See no one ever knew
She was a transformer
Went straight from a 2
To an I just wanna own ya

I like the new you
Forget about the old school
I love the sexy thing you turned into
So gimme the v2
Some of that love fuel
I like the beat that your body moves to

I really have a renewed sense of love for NKOTB after this song and then the admission that Jonathan has an anxiety disorder.  Between my weight, being a wallflower, being awkward, and have anxiety and depression; this band is my new celeb. hero!

Society makes me sad...

As I'm hanging out on the couch this morning drinking my coffee and watching the news (I'm turning into my grandparents! ACK!) I'm scrolling through Facebook (nothing new to be honest).

I like babble.com a long time ago on Facebook.  My cousin had a part in the creation of the website so that is why.  Check it out if you haven't already.  Very interesting stuff on there.

ANYWAY... (easily distracted human here)
They had posted posted an article that caught my eye. It is about a woman that photographs herself out in public.  She was not trying to "catch" people staring at her but that is what happened.

I have always felt that people are staring at me.  I have been awkward in public.  It hasn't been until recently that I have started liking my body again.  It has been transforming and changing.  It's not perfect, it's not where I want it to be but the changes are happening.

Looking through the pictures that the woman posted, I'm disgusted by people!  Society is awful!  If you don't look like something out of a magazine, people stare, giggle, make fun, and are just plain mean.

Grow up!

http://www.babble.com/mom/brave-photographer-has-lens-turned-on-her-as-strangers-gawk-at-her-weight-photos/?cmp=SMC|bbl|soc|FB|Main|InHouse|041213|Photo||famE|Social||&utm_campaign=babbleeditors&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=referral#wait-watchers

Society makes me sad!

Food, Fun, Sun, and Regret Part 1

Spring break is over :(

I am sad that it is over yet I'm ready for a routine again.

The title may be a little confusing so I'll explain.

Food... god the food!  Lots of buffets, lots of food, lots of choices.  I ate WAY more than I should have.  I didn't count a single calorie.  

Fun... I had so much fun!  

I got to hold a baby alligator :)

An alligator is so soft, yet had hard scales.  It was weird but so cool at the same time!

"Almost" getting eaten!

So we "almost" got eaten.  Okay, not really BUT we could have.  There was nothing between this alligator and us.  So freakin' cool!

So here we are!  Sitting in the sun, on the cruise ship waiting for the boat to leave for the Bahamas.  

That night was awful!  The sea was a cruel mistress that night and threw us around like pinballs.  It was awful but funny.  After having been accused of being drunk (although we hadn't had a single drink yet) we decided what the hell!  

This was drink #2 for the night.  It's kind of funny, Lynn took pictures of me and I took pictures of her.  I have very few pics of myself.

The next morning, we arrived in Freeport, Bahamas!  It's beautiful and amazing!  We had so much fun and spent the first day on the island drinking and eating. 

Drinking had begun and Lynn found herself an islander :)

That night we went to a Bonfire on the beach, it was very cool!

Day 2 started off with a beautiful sunrise...

Continued to...

Moved on to...

Then some more...

We ended the night with...

It was sad to see the Bahamas adventure end. Before we left though, we walked around this little shopping area.

This pretty little fountain was our last touristy thing to do.

That night we got on the ship and watched the KU/North Carolina game (first half anyway) and enjoyed a show on the ship.

Sun... We were both sunburned, poor Lynn's legs were worse than mine :(  I'm peeling but have an awesome tan now :)

I'll update more later and describe the regret.  It's not nearly as bad as you think (think food and exercise).

Bon Voyage!

In just a few short hours I'll be on a plane flying to Ft. Lauderdale to meet up with one of my best friends for a vacation like I've never done before!  I'm super excited to do this and can't wait to share many stories and pictures with everyone!

Association

Thursday the dreaded stomach flu found me.

I finally woke up hungry today.  I haven't been hungry since Wednesday night although I forced myself to eat.

Thursday morning, I thought a diet Dr. Pepper sounded good.  I got one.  Unfortunately, even though I only got a small one, I couldn't finish it.

In my brain, diet Dr. Pepper is now associated with puking my guts out.    That used to be my soda of choice when I would drink one (Diet A&W Root Beer is my other).

The last time this happened to me, I was student teaching in the Fall of 2006.  I associated Ramen Noodles with puking my guts out.  It took me years before I could eat them again.

I know that food associations happens. I have other really positive ones.

What food associations do you have?

On a different note...

ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK KU!!

It's a Sunflower Showdown for the Big 12 Title!  RCJH! KU!

Dear....

Dear Gym Bitch,

I truly enjoyed watching your face as I was trying to battle through my workout today with my trainer.  I noticed that you were very interested in everything that I was doing today. You may be very skinny, wearing Under Armor, and was running on the treadmill earlier.  I noticed that you changed the weights on the machine to less then what I was doing (haha, I'm better than you).

I noticed the look on your face as you looked at me.  Were you thinking about my fat rolls?  Were you thinking about how disgusting a fat person looks?  Judging me and others does not get you anywhere in life.  Watching you watch me just made me want to work even harder.

Please re-evaluate your views on people...

Yours truly,
The Fat Girl in the Corner

The Fat Girl's Adventures in Teaching!

1st grader singing Ice, Ice, Baby!

That is all!

Days like today...

On days like today, I'm so grateful that I work with 5/6/7 yr olds.  First thing this morning one little guy comes up to me, gives me the biggest hug and says, "Ms. Brosemer, you look like a party!"  (1st grader)

I can only hope he means I look like I could go to a party!  LOL!

Later in the day, right after lunch one girl looks at me and says, "You look like a ladybug but black and white."  (kindergartener) LOL!  I had on a black shirt with white polka dots.  I never thought of it that way, but thank you little lady!

As I was leaving my last class today, I had two different girls give me a hug (kindergarteners).  One said, "you look really bootiful!" (translation: beautiful) and the other said, "you are so pretty!"

I love my job!

Self-doubt, sabotage, forgiveness

You are your own worst enemy!

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
 Lies!  All lies!  Sticks and stones may break my bones... True!  But words will never hurt me... FALSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Words often hurt worse then the sticks and stones.  I still hear the mean things people have said to me.  I repeat these self-deprecating words often.

That is why I am my own worst enemy.  I have to stop the negative self-talk.  This doubt and sabotage does me no good.  My mind is always working overtime.

How do you turn off this self-talk?

If you know, by all means, please share!  Here is what my mind sounds like right now:

Going to a tropical island... you are an idiot!  How can you go?  You are fat!!  Why would anyone want to look at you?  You have to wear a swim suit, dumbest decision you have ever made!  You are just wasting your money!  You won't have a good time, you will be too worried about what you are eating, what you look like, and how many people are making fun of you!

YIKES!

See... awful self-talk, self-doubt or whatever you want to call it.

I have to learn to forgive myself, that is not the easiest to do.  I have to change the way I talk to myself. This is not the easiest to do.  You would think that after a year of changing my thinking and changing my body that I would have started on this path.  Not so much :(

Don't let this sabotage you like it is sabotaging me.

Snow Day

It's starts with the question: You got a snow day?

The answer is Hell Yeah!  With 12+ inches of snow and more to come, it was not safe to be out today. I'm grateful not to be out in this weather today.

Missouri has issued a state of emergency for the area.  Travel has been highly discouraged throughout the area.

So how does one exercise when walking is not an option and driving is out of the question?

That's easy... The Wii Fit!  There is walking on Walk It Out or anything on the Wii Fit board.  Of course there is also snow shoveling.  I will have to be careful though, don't want to screw up my back anymore.

If all else fails, I can also just not exercise today and take it as a loss :)

Happy Snow Day Kansas City!

Knee Update!

Okay, so here it goes...

There are the beginning formation of spurs in my knee.  Nothing to freak about just yet. 

The kind of pain I have is called Chondromalacia patella or for those of you without a medical degree, Anterior knee pain. 

I am extremely flat footed and that can cause the pain. 

Here is my newest fashion accessory!  Don't you just love it?!

I have to wear it pretty much all day every day, especially when I exercise.  Kind of sucks but I'm noticing a difference. 

I also have early stages of osteoarthritis.  I am taking Meloxicam for this. Fortunately, doc gave me permission to work out again!



I guess you can say that I am just a hot mess!  

**1 Month until I leave for my cruise!!**
Thought of the Day:

I'm a moron!

I graduate in May!!!!!!!  So excited!!!!!!

So why am I a moron?

I decided I wanted to add to my degrees even more!

Now that I'm taking a IDT class, I'm LOVING IT!  I'm so conflicted as to what I love more, teaching ESL or working with technology.

I'm just giving you all a heads-up... I'm a moron!

Welcome to Grad School... again!

Knee

If you have been a frequent reader of this blog, you will know that I have been struggling with my right knee.

I have a doc. appt. on Valentine's Day to find out what is officially wrong with it.  I may need to go in sooner. As I was kneeling down a few minutes ago, I heard the crackling and snapping I am used to but I also felt a sharp pain.

It hurts to bend it or sit criss-cross, even bending over at the waist and putting some weight on it hurts.

I'm hoping its nothing too serious.  Trainer Joe is really apprehensive about me doing certain exercises with it sounding like it does.

Fingers crossed... off to do homework, school work and our book study.

Challenge

I am ready for a new challenge in my life.  What is this challenge you are asking yourself?

Doctorate?  Soon

Marriage?  Um... No

Kids?  Would love them but no

Another 5K?  Hell to the yes!  I will be participating in the Color Run June 1, 2013 I had so much fun the first 2 times that I have to do it again.

Even another 5K?  Hell to the yes!  This isn't any 5K, it is a women's only 5K that is an obstacle course. I'm ready for you Dirty Girl! http://www.godirtygirl.com/  If you want to join my team, we are the Dirty Cupcakes

I'm ready for a physical challenge!  I have decided that I am ready to push myself beyond my comfort level and to show myself that I am AWESOME!

This 5K is June 22, 2013 in Kansas City, KS.  I am so ready to do something different and what a great way to end the school year!

Now, I'm not just challenging myself.  You see, this is a really sneaky way to get others involved.

Regardless of your physical abilities, this challenge is aimed at you.  Make this your 5K that moment in your life that changes you.  Make it that moment that gives you that slice of self-esteem that others have ripped from you and now you are fighting back for it.

Make it your moment!

Interview

One year ago tonight I was interviewed by Mrs. Christa Dubill from KSHB.  She was interviewing me about this blog.

Andy was the awesome camera man that night.   Between Andy and Christa I felt so comfortable.

That was an incredible night!  From that interview, I have made some amazing new friends and have been inspired to do many incredible things.

As my 32nd birthday is coming to a close, I am thankful for each and every person that has come into my life.  Every experience has taught me a lesson.  Every moment is cherished.

Thank you to everyone that has wished me a happy birthday!

Thank you to everyone that has given me support over this last year.

Won't you let me take you on a sea cruise!

I'm so excited!  I'm leaving the country for the first time every AND going on a cruise for the first time ever in MARCH 2013!!!!!

One of my besties and I are going!  Now that it's officially booked I get to share my excitement.

So... boat, Florida, water, warm weather, CRAAAAAAAP!  That means.....

EEEEEEKKKKKKKK!

What I am going to do?!?!?!?!?!

Now my step mom made a good point, "Nobody will ever see you again!"  But then I made the point, "We've got to take pictures!"

See the issue!  Fat girls, swim suits, cruises... not a good combination!

Time to step it up and take some inches off and some pounds off to make this vacation picture pretty.

I don't want to hear it!  Yes, I'm beautiful inside and out. Yes, I don't need to change unless I want to.  Yes, it's more about having fun then looking good.

I know I know!  It's about what I need to do for me to feel good about this cruise.

Let the countdown begin!!!!!