Almost a month

It has been close to a month since I last posted.  I have been crazy busy since my last post.

Finals are over, things went well, I came out of the Fall 2012 semester with A's.  I have one more semester to until graduation.  I'm super ready to be done and super ready for my life to be on schedule again.

I feel like I have done really well with the holidays.  I'm not over eating, using portion control, and doing well at picking the right things.

There was a sad day in the day in the life of my training.  The gym I go to is closing.  I had a panic moment until I talked to Joe.  I will still be able to work with my trainer and I feel like everything will work out for the best.

I'll make sure to post more over Winter Break.

Until later...

Thanksgiving and such

Happy Thanksgiving to all! Happy Anniversary to my dad and step mom!

Although there is a ton of food, I'm making wise choices.

Last night my dad and step mom made our own Thanksgiving dinner.  Dad made his awesome Chicken Alfredo!  Each time he makes it, it's different but oh so good!  I hope to some day make it like my dad but that's for another time.

I ate way more than I should have and didn't eat enough veggies.  Good news though, since my dad is diabetic, he uses DreamField pasta so the carbs aren't that high.

Today is traditional meal with my mom and brother.

Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, pumpkin pie, yams, rolls, fruit salad with my great grandmother's secret fruit sauce (I haven't seen the recipe yet but mom can give it to me as long as I don't give it to anyone... sorry folks!), and a new tradition... Alton Brown's Baked Mac and Cheese (easy to make, smells yummy, hope it tastes good!).

Things are going well, I've kicked up the weight loss and exercise again.  I just really got off target for awhile.  Back to it Rebekka!

I'm hoping to blog more now that this semester is wrapping up.  Look for more from me.

Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Eating, Safe Travels!

The Fat Girl in the Corner
AKA Rebekka

Queen

Am I a queen?  In my own world!

This post isn't about someone being a queen, it's about the band!

Just think of how much more great music would have been created if Freddie Mercury was still around.

One of their songs makes me smile.

Some people have a thing for those of use that are plump.  Some call them "chubby chasers"!

Queen got it right with this song!



Thank you Queen for acknowledging that we "make the rockin' world go 'round!"

Thought of the Day:
Be proud to be a Fat Bottomed Girl, Freddie Mercury would have approved!

Blogging?

*Knock knock knock*  Hello?!  Rebekka are you there? 

The blog-a-verse is lonely without me.  Life gets in the way of the blog.  It sucks that I have to work and do homework!  LOL!

Anyway, I'm feeling good about things right now.  Everything seems to be falling into place. 

Workouts are going well, eating could be better but going well, and my classes are rockin'!  The one teacher that I have struggled to keep a "B" in that class loves my work this semester for some reason.  98% BABY!!!!

I'll have to take my "Biggest Loser" pictures to update you on my body progress.  I'm very happy about how I look.  All my clothes are fitting weird so things are looking a little saggy.  I'm at the end between sizes stage so clothes are not fun right now. 

I promise to blog more now that the semester is winding down.

You may have to remind me!  Keep me accountable!

Until then...

It's been too long Part 2

I figured that I would make tonight a 2 parter since I had so many pictures in the other one.

I had been doing rather poorly in terms of my diet there for awhile and frankly the exercise sucked too. I got back on it after a slight fall down the mountain and now I'm doing better than ever before.

I'm viewing this journey as a hike up Mt. Everest.  I started at the bottom of the mountain and am working my way to the top.  The top will be my permanent home. I don't plan on coming down the mountain.

Emotionally this has been a rough few weeks as well.  Work stress and personal life stress have taken it's toll on me.  Luckily I have many wonderful people in my life that support me and love me for me. Everyone else can suck it!  You either support me or don't.  Don't fake it!

Last week I spent some time with my mom.  She lost her husband only 1 short year ago and because of him, we have both made some life changes that for the best.

The roller coaster isn't quite as crazy as it has been but I still think it could slow down and let me breathe a little.

Thought of the day/week/month:


Libby the Ladybug says, "Dot your life with love and friends... and be grateful for all you have."

It's been too long!

Hello loyal followers!

I have been on a roller coaster lately both emotionally and physically.

On October 6th I made a trip to Lawrence KS (Rock Chalk!)!  I did my 3rd 5k!

I must say that I have renewed my own knowledge that I CAN in fact change my life.

I ran a total of 1.5 miles of the Color Run 5K.  It was not in one go but it was enough for me to know that I am getting healthier and stronger each and every day.

Before the Color Run... It was COLD!

Crossing the finish line!  Yes I'm running!

Color Cloud!  Those are so much fun!

I'm completely covered in color!
Including my teeth.

Lolly pop?!  No, the Color Run!

It was white and clean... now not so much! 

My support system for the day!
Erika is a wicked awesome cupcake!
Check out her blog!  Cupcake Hippie :)

Erika had never been to Lawrence before
o of course we had to visit campus.

I just love this guy!

He needed a kiss!
I met one of my best friends at KU so
I have a lot to be thankful
for from this awesome bird!

Rock Chalk

My job

Some days I complain about the students.  Some days I complain about the work load.  Some days I complain about the politics of education.

But...

On days like today, it just seemed off and nothing seemed to work out the way I wanted, one thing is for sure; my students can make me smile.

Sweet moment number one... I was helping one of the first grade teachers test today.  She has lost her voice!   The students never did find it though.  Anyway, a special friend brought me a poster signed by all the students with a piece of candy from each student!  I nearly cried right there!  Thank you Heather E.!!!!

Sweet moment number two... Same little friend is telling me all about Spiderman (no surprise if you've heard my stories) and starts drawing Spiderman for his writing he'll do Thursday.  At the top of his paper I see this...

He told me it is a "radybug cause you like dem!"  Then he gave me a hug!  Tears started to form!









Sweet moment number three... I got a new little friend on my roster last week. She's just cute as a bug!  Since she has very little English, I have started working with her.  She has attached herself to me now!  I told her that I would take her to the bus.  I was holding her hand and a parent stopped me in the hall.  The girl was pulling on my hand and I shook her hand and gave it a little squeeze.  She squeezed back and smiled her big toothless smile.  She was just playing a game with me.  Too cute!

It's those kinds of things that make not so good days even better!

Logo

Here she is!  Isn't it beautiful!

My wonderful friend Pam Kurzen did this!  You can find her here http://www.pamkurzen.com/

Love ya lady!  You are awesome!

Realities

Okay, so let me tell you something.

The reality of my body is pretty nasty!

I'm ashamed of it really.  There are folds where there used to be fat, there are wrinkles of skin where there used to be fat, I have a heat rash or something on my thighs, between my thighs and stomach and near my lady parts.

See... not pretty!

On the other hand, I know there are some realities that will just always be and I'm okay with that.

#1 My thighs will forever touch when I walk and stand.
#2 I will never be able to see my feet without bending over.  The girls are preventing that from happening once the tummy flattens.
#3 At some point in my journey, I will have to have surgery to remove this sagging gross skin.
#4 I will never be 100% happy with my body but I figure if I can get to 80% then I'm doing pretty damn good.

Forgive me for saying this...

Always remember that your life is yours and not someone else's.  Live it the way you want to live and how you know you should live rather than how others THINK you should live.

The Talk

I'm sorry to everyone that I have been MIA for awhile now.  Life gets in the way of the blog sometimes.

I had been feeling depressed, had no energy and just wanted to sleep all the time.  Today there was a new sense of renewal. 

I woke up after a rather restless night of sleep feeling wonderful!  I went to Wal-Mart and Trader Joe's.  I got home around 9am, cleaned the kitchen and started homework.  I went for a long walk this after noon.  I have no idea how far I walked but was gone for over an hour. I felt wonderful!

So you are probably asking, "What does this have to do with the title"?

I had someone say to me, "talk to your body, listen to your body". 

So that is what I did.

I meditated and had a conversation with my body.  I discovered some things that I knew but didn't acknowledge. 

I knew that most days, I felt awful.  I knew that I needed to change something but didn't know what.  After talking to my body, I need to change my breakfast and start adding some other things into my diet.

I have noticed that I am gassy.  TMI... yes I know.  It is my diet.  I need to change things in my diet.  I am eating a probiotic yogurt every day.  Turns out I probably don't need to.  That must be the biggest reason I am so gassy.  My body was giving me clues, I just didn't listen. 

There are many other things my body told me, now it's time to make the changes.

Have a conversation with your body, what does it have to say? 

A-ha!

I have made another discovery about myself!

I love when that happens!

This year, my plan time is in the morning and pretty late in the morning.  9:40 is pretty late for me, since I get off of plantime and have an hour before lunch.  I eat my daily snack of a cheese stick and go about my merry way.

I have learned to pack a lunch that is satisfying.  I don't have a break in the afternoon so I don't get to eat anything until after school.

Last year when I had my plan in the afternoon, I was really hungry by plan and would eat something more substantial than I should have.

I also save a piece of fruit for after school to eat while I'm finishing up work for the day.

I find that I'm not as hungry as I would have been in the past.

I also feel like I have a renewed spark/motivation.  I don't know where this is coming from but I need it to stick around.

I'm guessing the change in medication has pulled me from my funk.

Not too much longer until my next 5k...

Get'R'Done!

respect

Normal

When someone asks, "it is normal if/when.... ?"  Dr. Phil says one of two things. It's not normal if it disrupts your everyday life and takes away from things you once enjoyed.  The other things is that it may not be someone else's normal but it's YOUR normal.

I haven't found my normal but I have found my "that's just me".  Thanks to these meds, I am no longer wondering where I went.  I was lost for awhile.  I'm not sure if anyone else noticed it, but I had lost the part of me that I had found again.

I know that I missed me.  It feels good to know the meds are working.

I have energy again to work out!  Definitely not as depressed as I was.  Obviously meds don't make it go away completely but it does help keep the symptoms from becoming overwhelming.

I walked up to the mailbox tonight and jogged home.  It felt good to move.  Now that I have my symptoms under control, the weight is going to just fall right off and I'll be back to ultimate health.

Dreams

Last night I had a dream I was in high school.  It was a high school that I didn't recognize.  We were in PE class and had to run the mile.

I actually did it.  In the dream that is.

I decided when I woke up that a-change-is-a-comin'!

I can't keep living in yesterday.  The changes I have made in the past need to stay there and I can't beat myself up.

There was a renewed sense of passion today at the gym.  I had energy, I wanted to work, I NEEDED to work.

This is all a good thing... I'm starting to feel like myself again.  The upped prescription and the added bonus prescription are helping.  With the Color Run less than a month away, I need to get in gear and kick some major ass!

Motivation found!

Medical Update

A week or so ago I posted that I struggle with anxiety and depression. 

Although it is not a subject many talk about, it's time we start. 

The doctor is concerned that I'm showing more signs of manic depression.

We upped my meds to 150 mg and added Xanax to the mix.

I took my first Xanax tonight and feel like I'm floating.  Even though it is the minimum dose, I'm thinking half a pill will do.

With the external factors surrounding my stress, it is no wonder why I'm having severe symptoms.  I go back in 7 weeks for an update.  I'm really hoping that I can get off the Xanax.

With all this stress and depression, I find working out to be a huge problem.  These meds should help get me back on track.

On Tuesday, my trainer is wanting to do a fitness assessment.  He saw my frustration on Tuesday and thinks I need a self-esteem boost.  One can only be knocked down, bull-dosed over so many times in a short period of time before one feels as though they are worthless.  That is a lot of how I feel.

I'm just beat down and feeling like I don't matter right now.  I know it's not true but don't invalidate my feelings.

Tomorrow needs to be a better day....

I need more friends outside of work locally, that would help.

Until tomorrow...

The Fat Girl in the Corner

It occurred to me that I have put myself into a situation.

For the teachers that I work with and have seen my office now, where am I sitting?  Think about it...

I am again, "The Fat Girl in the Corner"!

There are 5 of us in this room, 3 against the north wall and 2 against the south wall. I am in the northwest corner of the room.  I am also the biggest in the room. 

It wasn't on purpose that I chose this.  I said that I would take that desk because I don't frankly care where my desk is.  I didn't notice that was the case until I was thinking about something random in that room and it came to me. 

Just an interesting observation....

On a happy note...

My friend is working on a logo for me.  It is for my website, blog, twitter, and business cards. I have to say that right now, it looks awesome!  I'm amazed at what she came up with in such a short period of time.  I can't wait to show everyone!

Title Unknown

There are some things about a person that aren't often public knowledge.

I feel like I have done a good job at being an open book.  I won't say that I have told you everything.  There are just some things that... well see my first sentence.

One thing you need to know about me...

I am a person that lives with anxiety and depression.  I can't tell you when it began.  I can't tell you how long I have been dealing with it.

It sucks!


Lately I have been a weepy, emotional mess.  Before you ask, I'm not pregnant.

I have been under a lot of stress lately which is a huge trigger for me.  A lot of people don't understand   depression and all that comes with it.

Each person handles their depression differently.  Some people work well with Mental Health professionals.  Some people do well on meds.  Each person is different.

Symptoms of depression in women include:

• persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
• loss of interest or pleasure in activities, including sex
• restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying
• feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism
• sleeping too much or too little, early-morning awakening
• appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• decreased energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down"
• thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
• persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

The symptoms in bold are the ones that I am fighting.

Although I am on medication for anxiety and depression, sometimes they are just not enough. I am going to go to the doctor next Thursday and chat with her about changing my meds.  I feel like my body has adjusted to the meds and they just aren't working like they used to.

To my co-workers and anyone else that has to deal with me.  Please be patient with me!  I'm trying and just really need to get thru the manic mood swings that comes with depression and anxiety.

Please understand that I am not manic depressive but I do have my mood swings.  If someone is manic...

The symptoms of mania include:

• abnormally elevated mood
• irritability
• decreased need for sleep
• grandiose ideas
• greatly increased talking
• racing thoughts
• increased activity, including sexual activity
• markedly increased energy
• poor judgment that can lead to risk-taking behavior
• inappropriate social behavior
  

Being patient is the best thing you can do.

WOW!

It has been a long trying few days...

I have packed up my entire classroom :(

I have moved my office from the first floor to the 3rd floor.  The good news is that I will have a lot of stairs to climb multiple times a day.

This could be good for me... I'm not sure how I feel about sharing an office with 4 other women though.

It's not that I don't like my co-workers, I just think that 5 women in that close quarters a few times a day may get messy.

Between the packing, the moving of boxes and rearranging it has been a long few days.

This is going to be a long week.  Tomorrow is a trip 100 miles to my hometown for a meeting for Grad school.  200 miles round trip.  I'll survive ;-P

I will be pretty sporadic this week while I'm traveling around.  I'm hoping to update more later this week.

Have a wonderful week and remember to get off the couch!

Who's that girl?

Many times I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Who are you?"

I don't recognize myself because I have never given myself a chance.  I'm vulnerable and insecure.  I've never thought I was pretty, I've never wanted to do my hair, put on makeup and wear fun clothes because I wanted to be invisible.

I'm starting to see myself differently.  I'm starting to care about what I have on, I'm starting to wear fun jewelry and I'm starting to see myself as someone that deserves a chance.

Dating has always been scary for me, because I can't let go of my lack of confidence long enough to let someone in.  I feel like I have to warn them about my body, question if they really like chubbier women, and just be obnoxious about it.  Like I have to justify to them that I'm NOT worthy.  If a guy can survive this, then I am worthy of him.  It all goes back to that self-sabotage I was talking about a few months ago.

It's like I'm conditioned to believe that fat isn't happy unless there is food involved.  All of these views have got to change or I will never been truly happy.  I don't want to be a fat girl living in a skinny girl's body.  There is nothing about that that is okay.  I want to be a former fat girl happy in her body, regardless of what she looks like now.

Changing my mindset is what is hard.  I'm used to being invisible and trying to make myself small.  I will make myself less invisible and just be ME!  No one else is more me than well... ME!

On a happier note...

I'm doing another 5k in October.  I'm doing the Color Run again, this time it is in Lawrence.  I'm super excited and feel like I have the confidence to do it.

Time to get training!!!

Friends

Please move in and out of our lives.  It is strange how someone comes into your life for a short or long time and then for no reason that person leaves.

Each time a new person comes into your life, you learn something new about yourself.  You may not realize it until many years later but you do.

Someone has come into my life and WON'T LEAVE! *wink*  Here's our story...

In January 1996 I met Jessica.  At first I thought she was a little weird but we had a connection.  I remember sitting in the back of the seats in the theatre one night hiding and talking about guys we liked (I still remember who we were talking about) and giggling.

We discovered we had very similar situations at home and became instant BFFs.

We had many laughs, many nights driving the "limo", many nights listening to music while cruising 6th and singing loudly, and most of all having fun.

We have had our sad times too.

I missed both of her weddings, one because I didn't like the guy and the other I was too far away and couldn't afford to go.  I regret that!  I missed an important day in her life because I was selfish the first time.

I missed all 3 of her kids' births.  That just makes me so sad.  I wanted to be there.  She just couldn't seem to time it right!  LOL!

I was there for her when she lost her cousins to tragic car accidents many years apart, when her grandmother (my elementary school secretary) passed away, and some other bad times that I don't think is appropriate to put here.

She was there for me when I lost my grandparents, cousin and step-dad.  Although she was not with me, I know her thoughts were with me.

Jess is always there for me.  We can not talk on the phone for months and when we finally do, it's like we just talked yesterday.

We laugh, we cry, we talk, we argue, we agree, we disagree, and most of all we love each other and know that our friendship has lasted longer than some marriages.  16 years is a very long time.

Although you won't leave my life, you obviously have things to still teach me.

I love you Jessica Jean "Gertrude" Scott!  You are the sister that I chose and you can't get rid of me that easy!

Happy Birthday!

Starting Over

Things have been difficult for me lately.

I've decided to start over from the beginning.

I thought maybe I could handle things for awhile without tracking my food but as it turns out, it's a big negorito Ms. Dorito!  See what I did there... yeah, bad...

So anyway, I'm starting to track my food intake again. That is the way I can be successful right now.

It was a lot of work but nobody said getting healthy and losing weight was simple.

So for now...

Back to what was working!

Discovery

So now that school is back in session, I had started drinking pop again at lunch.  I weighed myself the other day and realized I am about 7 pounds heavier.  That scared me!

Part of the problem is that I'm just not eating very smart and not exercising enough.

Getting back into a routine is helping me see that now.  So pop is officially out of my life again.  I need to make healthier better choices again.   I know I will and that it will take time to readjust.

There is a learning curve when it comes to food and exercise.  I pushed the limits, saw results that did not make me happy and now I'm changing it.

I wonder if the unsettling feelings, the depression and the anxiety are a symptom and not a cause.  I have felt better the last few days since stopping the pop consumption and don't feel as anxious and I was.

I truly believe that there was something wrong with me and that my body just can't handle a pop unless it's once in awhile.  I need to know that about me.

Each and every day I am learning something new about my body and about myself.

What have you learned today?

My cat is turning into a dog!  He drinks from the toilet and likes to go outside on a leash.  

Piece of advice

I think I have seen it all at the elementary school level.  Nothing truly surprises me anymore.

This is my 6th year of teaching and to be honest, I haven't really enjoyed any of it.  

Okay, that was a lie... I enjoy working with the kids each and every day.  The parents, um, not so much.  I would say 90% of the parents have a good head on their shoulders and have taught their kids well.  The other 10% spend so much time babying their kids that the dependency issues have my blood boiling.  

Example #1: Parents that spend little to no time with their kids so there is separation anxiety.

Example #2: Parents that do everything for their kids so they have created dependent kids.

Example #3: Parents that do not discipline their kids so have kids that do not have any boundaries.

My advice... spend time with your family, create kids that rely on you yet are independent and don't need you for every little thing, and give your kids boundaries but let them explore and be free. 

Can you tell what kind of day I've had?  I think I got my workout in before 9am.  I'm bordering on a sinus infection so having to chase a child up a flight of stairs was not very good.

Tomorrow will be a better day!  Tomorrow will be a better day!  Tomorrow will be a better day!

On a different note, I've been under calories for the last few days in a considerable way and excited to step on the scale on Friday to see how things have changed.  

Motivation

I need some motivation!!!!  I just don't feel like getting out there and exercising.  I'll go out for a little bit, do some walking but that's about it.  I'm hoping to feel a little better tomorrow so I can get to the gym. 

I think part of my problem is that my trainer has been out of town on some personal business for awhile now.  It's been a month since we have worked out together.  For me, that is the biggest hurdle. 

Now that the weather will be cooling down, I'm really wanting to get out there and take advantage of the weather.  Anyone else up for it? 

Let's motivate each other!!!!

UG!

Haven't posted in a few days.  I honestly haven't felt like it.  Everything just seems so... stupid, ignorant, depressing, insignificant, and frustrating.

Every where I go, people just seem to piss me off.  I have no idea why I am so sensitive to everything around me right now.

My workout today was only 30 minutes but it felt like hours.  I got up this morning at some unreasonable hour for a Sunday and instead of lounging on the couch drinking coffee, I decided to walk.  I looked at my phone after what felt like 30 minutes or more and it was only about 10.  I don't know why it was such a struggle to walk today.

Sorry I'm such a negative nelly right now.  I'll get out of this funk and back to being me.  Promise!

Jewelry

So, after a few hellish days I decided on some retail therapy.  A trip to Gordman's was in order!  I love Gordman's.  There is just something about that place!

For awhile I was into shoes but never bought any from Gordman's.  Then I was into purses.  I have gotten a few from Gordman's.  I have had really good luck with purses. 

All the clothes I have gotten from there have been really good quality. 

Now jewelry... Boy howdy now that is my newest obsession!  I love necklaces!  There isn't anything better than an awesome necklace!  Now tonight I bought 2 necklaces.  I thought it was only one but turns out it was two different ones.  Oops!  That is probably why my bill was a little higher than I thought. 

I also got some bracelets.  Now, I was trying them on but couldn't get my "man-hands" in them.  Then I saw it... "Plus Sized"?!  WTF?!?!?!?!  Clothes and shoes are one thing but bracelets?!

That's great!  Let's make the fat girls feel fatter by telling them that their jewelry needs to be different too.  As much as it irritates me, I bought one.  I had to have something to match my outfit! 

I guess I should be happy that there is jewelry out there that I can wear but I find it slightly offensive to have it labeled plus sized. Just make different sizes and be done with it.  Oh well, I guess it's not my call.

As a side note, my life is going to start to get really busy and crazy.  Posts will probably become more sporadic but I will tell you that I will still post and update.

Happy Hump Day!

bathing a cat

step 1: consult a psychiatrist... you are obviously crazy for thinking you can do it.
step 2: ignore all advise from psychiatrist and lure cat into the bathroom
step 3: verify last will and testament is in a visible place
step 4: pray!
step 5: turn on water while distracting cat with treats
step 6: take one last look at yourself in the mirror, you may never look the same again
step 7: pray!
step 8: grab, shove, dunk, pray!!!!
step 9: curse, soothe, cry, curse!
step 10: rinse!
step 11: release, jump out of the way, open door and pray!
step 12: count limbs, digits and anything else that protrudes from your body
step 13: curse at yourself for thinking this would work
step 14: clean up the blood and cry
step 15: feel like the worst cat parent in the world and take 2 shots of tequila to calm your nerves
step 16: blog about your experience while trying to make fun of yourself and warn others (successful?)
step 17: cry yourself to sleep all the while hoping the cat comes out of hiding

Moral of the story:
Amateurs are not to be trusted, next time pay a groomer
Results not typical, consult a physician before beginning the bathing of the cat

Not my cat but he is a long haired black cat like this one. 

If only...

I'm sure you've played that game with yourself.

If only I was born skinny.
If only I wasn't bullied in school.

You know that game.  It's destructive.  I've been playing it all weekend.  I've been feeling down and lonely and because of it, I'm playing the If only game.

I can't change anything about my past so there is no reason to go over it.

You are your own worst enemy.

I've posted this picture before but it seemed appropriate.

I Survived!

Although the week isn't over, I have survived the first few days of school!

Lots of changes from past years but we seem to be moving in sync and working together as we always have.  So far so good!

I'm glad to be back on a schedule.  Working out is difficult when you don't have a set schedule.  I'm ready to get back into the gym on Tuesdays, Thursdays and the weekends.

I'm a creature of habit and truly need consistency in order to survive.  I guess that is why I work well with elementary school kids.

I'm ready for bed so night to all!

Until tomorrow...

Thought of the day:

long day

it was a long day...

just thought I would check in...

I'll post tomorrow.

Work out

I didn't sleep very well last night.  I think it was after midnight at the earliest when I finally got to sleep.

Working out today was very difficult.  I did get about a mile walk in to clear my mind before getting back to work on the school's website.

It is difficult to be on a schedule in the summer.  Being back at school will help me.

We get the kiddos tomorrow, I know I'll be exhausted but I need to get moving more this week.  Fingers crossed we don't have many kindergarteners that tantrum or mess themselves.  Fingers crossed we don't have any runners.

Going to bed early and taking something to help me sleep.

Until tomorrow...

First Day of School (kind of)

Today was a day of meetings.  All that new information is exhausting.

Tomorrow is classroom prep day.

Spent the day hungry.  Had a few snacks but didn't really eat except for lunch.

We get our kiddos on Wednesday.  It's always an exciting and scary time, even teachers have the first day of school nerves like kids do.  I have a cute outfit planned and ready to wear it :)

To all of my New Stanley readers, we are starting a new year, it was great to see everyone and I hope we have a great year!

To everyone else... cross your fingers for a great year for us!  We have lots of changes and need all the strength we can get.

Until tomorrow...

Whoops!

I didn't blog for 2 days!!!  Yikes!!  I thought did on Friday and yesterday I just did for some reason.

With the start of the new school year tomorrow, it's time to think about how to continue what I have learned over the summer.

One thing I have learned is that I need to eat more often to keep hunger away.  Mostly just something as simple as a few baby carrots or a hand full of grapes.  That is difficult when you are teaching.  I will definitely have to figure it out.

Having my classroom in the teacher's lounge is difficult as well.  People come in and get things out of the food cabinet or microwave something.  Keeping the hunger at bay is difficult there too.  I'll just have to keep the fruits and veggies handy and remember to drink lots of water.

It's time to crawl into bed, take some ZzzQuil, and get a good night's sleep.

Until tomorrow....

Thought of the day:

Skin

As you all know, I'm pretty honest and blunt about my body.  Weight loss isn't pretty... in fact, it's a little gross if you think about it, especially if you have quite a bit to lose.

When I was getting out of the shower today I noticed something... unpleasant.  Saggy skin!!!!

It was scary!

Honestly, I had the saggy skin of someone fat... You know the more "solid" saggy skin, the skin with a thick layer of fat underneath. It's extremely unpleasant to think about.

As I am losing the thick layer of fat (winter might be hell, don't have the flubber to keep me warm!  LOL!), I am toning up.  Strength training is definitely helping on that front.  You can't tone up the skin but the muscles tighten and then the skin tightens.

The skin that really bothers me is the tummy skin around my pelvic area.  Although my tummy is shrinking, the skin is being overcome by gravity... Damn you Gravity!!!!  I can tell that it is tightening and I can feel my ab muscles (OMG!  I have muscles there!).  Unfortunately, the skin is sagging down around the fold between my upper body and my thighs.  Not pretty, I'll tell you that much!

By the way, I can see my collar bone *woohoo*

It's one thing to clean the rolls of fat, it's another to clean the rolls of excess skin.  It's just disturbing!

I would rather have this problem then the problem of having fat layers under my skin!

C'est la vie!

Water

Ah water... I love the stuff!  I love to drink it, shower in it, swim in it, and walk in it (rain?!  What's that?!)

My ladybug cup with a 

pink and black color changing straw

Research has indicated that over 75% of the US population is chronically dehydrated.  That is really scary!!  I really try to drink as much water as I can.  A while ago I bought a 2.5 gallon jug at Wal-Mart for $5.00.  Since I don't have water and ice in the door of the fridge, I can keep water cold at all times.  I drink more water that way.

Drinking water has many many health benefits.  Just a few include...

1. Weight Loss~ replacing water with high calorie or chemically inundated beverages cuts unnecessary calories from your diet.  Also if you think you are hungry, drink a glass of water you are probably dehydrated.

2. Energy~  I can tell when I haven't had enough water while exercising.  I got dizzy and weak.  I was dehydrated and felt like passing out.  My trainer made me stop and drink water. 

3. Headache Cure~ dehydration can lead to headaches, sometimes drinking a glass or two of water can cure your headache.  Now if you are like my friend Cindy M., then the headaches are caused by something entirely different.  Get better soon Cindy! 

4. Healthy Skin~ Want a healthy glow?  Drink water!

5. Digestive Health~  In order to digest food, your body needs water. Eat fiber and drink water, no constipation and a regular tummy!

6. Cleansing~ We have so many toxins and waste in our bodies that it's no wonder we get sick.  There is something to be said about body cleanses.  They are unhealthy but drinking water can help remove waste and toxins from your body. 

7. Better Exercise~ being dehydrated slows down your exercising and makes you feel weak.  Drink water before, during and after exercise.  I keep a reusable water bottle with me.

Not a water drinker? Want to become one?

Here are some tips to start drinking more water....

1. How much water?~ That eight 8oz. of water a day recommendation is a myth.  There are so many different factors that you need to take into consideration.  Does your food have water?  All fruits and veggies do!  You are getting a few ounces of water by eating many fruits and veggies throughout the day.  It also depends on how much exercise you do or how sick you are. 

2. Schedule?~ I have seen many websites say that you should make a schedule, set a reminder or something like that.  If that works for you awesome!  Do whatever it takes to keep yourself from being dehydrated.  If you are thirsty, you are dehydrated. 

3. Cup, Bottle, Mug?~ it doesn't matter what you put the water in, just make sure you are drinking it.  I have many many many reusable bottles.  I LOVE them!  I also found some fun straws (color changing) that I like to use.  They are BPA free bottles with fun designs, the one I'm using now has a ladybug on it (See above).  You are more likely to drink water if you have it with you then having to track it down.   

4. Track It~ If it helps you, write down how much water you drink and when.  Put it on a sticky note, put it on the calendar in your phone or whatever works for you. 

Just remember, you are 80% water and you need to replace the water your lose throughout the day.
Just please don't drink water like my cats :)

It's Tuesday

It's been one of those days...

I've been in a funk, kinda pissy and craving chocolate.  It is creeping up on my TOM so that explains it.  Still though I have just wanted to hide. 

I'm caffeine free 2 days in a row now, it's not intentional, I just haven't had any.  No headache or anything but that might explain some of the funk I'm in as well.

Oh well, hopefully this no caffeine will help me get to bed early tonight.  I need to start getting back on a sleep schedule for school.  Truthfully, I'm yawning at 8:30 at night so I'm taking this as a good sign.

Tomorrow is a busy day of work outs, grocery shopping and continuing to drink enough water to drown a fish.

Until then...

1 week

I have less than 1 week until school starts again.  I'm not ready for my summer to be over just yet.  I still have some things that I need to do.

#1 Watch all of Mad Men on Netflix
#2 Finish cleaning out the closet and dresser
#3 Finish another book
#4 Go to the Titanic Exhibit
#5 Go to the Zoo
#6 Go to the Nelson
#7 Not leave the house for any reason

I don't think I have time for all of these things but I'm sure as hell going to try.  The zoo might be the only one I can't get done.  It's just too damn hot out there!

On a side note, I ate like crap last night and today.  Back to better eating tomorrow

ABC's Part 3

Sporadic postings this week, sorry about that.

Now to finish what I've started....

N- Never Give Up, Never Surrender~ This is a lifestyle change.  I shall never give up the fight to be healthy.  I will never surrender myself when I have an off day/few days/week.

O- Options~ There are a lot of options out there for people trying to get healthy.  I have found foods that I love and things that I would rather eat instead of the crap.  I love my options.

P- Patience~ It didn't take overnight to put on the weight, so why would you take it off overnight.  I think my patience is getting better.

Q- Quit?!~ I will never quit!!!!!  Healthy is a lifestyle!!!!

R-Reassurance~ I have to reassure myself that I can do it.  Sometimes when I feel like giving up, I look at my pictures and can see the changes in my body.  I look at my arms and can see and feel the muscle tone.  These times make me realize that I can do it and will do it.

S- Stamina~ When I started working out, 20 minutes was way too much.  When I made it to 30 I celebrated!  When I made it to 45 I celebrated!  When I made it to 60, I knew I was there!!!  The stamina to work out and get healthy takes time.  I'm also building up my jogging stamina.  Friday night I would jog for 2 1/2 minutes then walk for a minute.  I did this for 30 minutes and felt awful yet fantastic!

T- Temptation~ Oh ice cream, chocolate and cheese... How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways!  These are my biggest temptations for me.  It's all about figuring out how to work with your temptations and not let them over run you.  One piece of Dark Chocolate Honey Mints from Trader Joe's seems to work to get rid of my cravings. Cheese is a good protein for a snack, I just have to limit myself. Temptations suck!

U- Understand~ You have to understand a lot about yourself in the process.  I understand that I have a long ways to go to get healthy.  I understand that my body is changing during the get healthy process and I have to change with my body.

V- Victim~ I WAS a victim.  A victim of well-meaning family.  A victim of domestic violence.  A victim of depression/anxiety.  A victim of my own self-loathing.  Now that I have decided to not be a victim but to be a survivor and a changer, my outlook has changed.  Well meaning family can not be changed, I just have accepted that they were well meaning and move on.  The person that was violent towards me was a bully and not a very nice human being.  It was his problem, not mine.  Depression/anxiety is something I will fight with the rest of my life.  Medication is something that I will probably have to be on, it's in my DNA and I can not change it but I can control it.  Self-loathing is a difficult thing to change.  It has taken many many years and tears to stop hating myself and start loving myself.

W- Weight~ Although my weight is not changing rapidly, I am seeing a difference in my body.  That to me shows that I am doing something right.

X- Xanthippe~ I am not a xanthippe!  Please look this up!  I would like to think I am happy.

Y-Yummy!~  There are so many healthy foods out there that are yummy.  You have to find what you like.  I am really into tomatoes, watermelon, cucumber, cantaloupe, Ranier cherries, bananas, and plums.  I also love sweet potato chips, hummus and pita bread.  In moderation all of these things are really yummy and really healthy.  You just have to find what it is you can't get enough of.

Z- Zaftig~ I love this word!  I am zaftig, it's a great way to describe someone that looks like me.  If you don't know this word, look it up!

Glow Run Pics

The front of my shirt, bib and medal

Bib and medal

The front of my shirt, I can't figure out how to turn it... sorry!

The back of my shirt

Finish line photo, I look like a spaz!