"Candid, amusing & blunt everyday stuff. Love!" @

Sunday, January 15, 2012

January 15th

Happy Anniversary Jessica and Nick!
Happy Birthday Mandalee!

Not that the formalities are out of the way ;-P

Me, Mom and Paul (brother) at my step-dad's celebration of life Oct. 21, 2012

For some reason today was a rough day.  It could be that it was 3 months ago today that I lost my step-dad.  I was having problems focusing today.

My calorie count is way off.  Tomorrow is going to be to a buckle down day.  I have a lot to get done.  I have sub plans for Wednesday through Monday morning to get done, I have school work to get done, I need to put in my 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of strength and I need to pack.

I couldn't even focus long enough to fold my laundry and put it away.  It's folded, but that's about it.  My sub plans are started, no where near finished.  School work, that's a joke, I have nothing even close to being done or started for that matter.

I know from previous experience that there is a hurdle around the 2 week mark.  You get going just fine for about 2-3 weeks.  You have an off day and maybe cheat or over eat.  Once you do that, well, you might as well say "Screw it!" and fall off the food wagon (or on it to get the food).  I refuse to let today stop me from working towards my ultimate goal, health.

One thing I do when I'm stressed out and overwhelmed is either to eat or to not eat.  I really have to be careful.  Food and I have a love/hate relationship. I love to eat and it loves to pack on the pounds but I hate the way it makes me feel.  Unfortunately, there is a cyclical relationship with food.  I eat because I am sad, I'm depressed, I'm stressed, or I'm overwhelmed. Because I have eaten too much, I feel awful about myself.  That makes me want to eat more.  That just makes me even more down on myself.

This cyclical relationship was becoming more dangerous.  I had to make that change.  Seeing the calories from today was a wake up call.  I'm feeling sick to my stomach and completely guilty about today.  I know what I was eating was wrong but I did it anyway.  Now that I know how I will feel when I have these moments of pure weakness, I can begin to control them. 

This lifestyle change is all about making changes.  You can't change if you don't learn from your mistakes.  I am learning and I am changing.  Although the changes may not be noticeable right away, they are inner changes that will soon become outer changes. 

Until tomorrow....

Thought of the day:
Exercise is a dirty word.  Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. 


  1. Rebbeka,

    Can I just say I love your blog! You are so inspiring and are on the right track! I, too, have had to go through a huge lifestyle change. After being diagnosed Celiac in 2010 I also found out I had early osteoporosis. So I had to hit the gym. Now the gym and I have had a love hate relationship for years; but I have every intention of reversing my osteopenia without prescription drugs. A year later I have increased my bone mass by 6% in my hips. Yahoo! However every week I still struggle getting to the gym. I am constantly reminding myself of what could happen if I don't get my hiney up there. It will always be a struggle, but I LOVE how I feel when I'm done. Good luck and when your ready to try some Zumba let me know. The YMCA by my house has some amazing instructors.

  2. I go to the PV Y to go to Zumba with Jamie and I go to the Y Express in Lenexa for general exercise. I'm also going to be starting water fitness soon at the PV Y.