The scale says.... 278.2! Almost 10 lbs... .2 away from 10!
I thought I would try on a pair of jeans that I haven't worn in years, you know, just to see.
I have been wearing size 24 jeans and today I fit into a pair of size 22! They are a little snug in my thighs and there is some "muffin topping" but I'm just happy that I could button them!
All that happiness said...
Today at the library I found a book Never Say Diet by Chantel Hobbs.
I found myself a blubbering mess on the stationary bike this morning. I had to cut my workout short because I was crying and couldn't breathe.
In her first 2 chapters, Chantel talks about how she began the journey of being a morbidly obese woman that changes to a healthy woman. She says she would spend her lunch money on junk food at 7-11. The junk food, the sweets she said, "tasted so good, and I felt happy. It was that simple. But then I'd swallow, and it was gone, and the happiness would disappear as well, so I needed more junk" (pg 23). *BAM* It hit me, I'm not an emotional eater! It's the sweet, creamy texture that melts in your mouth. That feeling is unlike any other. It's almost orgasmic! It's the feeling I crave, not the food, not how it MAKES me feel but how the food feels. And then I read this, "But I wasn't eating to fill an emotional void. I was eating because I felt good every time I put a spoonful in my mouth" (pg 25). I've been hit in the back of the head by Captain Obvious!
Chantel revisits sneaking food, I can relate to that! Nobody will miss one or two cookies. What if I just eat one more, nobody will notice. Or like the author I would stop and get something to eat on my way home and eat it by the time I got home and throw it away in the neighbors trash can. If no one sees you eat it, did you really eat it? Very much like if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a noise?
I know that I relate to what she is talking about, my heart just cries knowing that other men, women and children can too.
Although I am not a religious person by any means, I know that this book will be an inspiration to me. I already know that I'm not alone but seeing someone that has written about it and made a life of healthy living and believing gives me hope. You should check out her book if you get a chance.
I'll be posting more AHA! moments from the book and share a little bit of both of our stories.
Thought of the day:
Why do you eat?